Health

Bonus payments for dementia diagnoses sees 4000% rise in dementia diagnoses

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A new scheme to pay GPs a £55 cash bonus for every diagnosis of dementia that they make has seen a massive rise in the number of dementia diagnoses that they make.

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Paralysed man walks again, is declared fit for work by ATOS

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A formerly paralysed man has celebrated the success of a pioneering therapy that involved transplanting nasal cells into his spinal cord, with an ATOS mandated appointment at the jobcentre.

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World pig population showing signs of man-flu pandemic

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The world’s farming communities are braced for a global swine catastrophe as the first man-flu cases are reported among the pig population.

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Ebola outbreak nothing to worry about, confirms Obama from White House hazmat suit

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US President Barack Obama has told concerned citizens not to worry about the ebola virus in a broadcast from the Oval office inside his specially made hazmat suit.

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Why are all our children getting measles, ask Homeopathy fans

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Child measles cases in the UK have risen tenfold, especially among families led by morons who think that crystals are magic and that sugar pills can cure AIDS.

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British women celebrate ‘fattest in Europe’ title with a nice slice of cake

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Women across the UK have reacted positively to being crowned the ‘fattest women in Europe’ by toasting each other with a nice bit of cake.

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Everyone in office pretty sure guy who just sneezed has ebola

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Your entire office is pretty sure that new guy in accounts who just sneezed is exhibiting signs of the deadly virus ebola, according to sources.

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Rich people urged to carry Tory Donor cards

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People who give money to the Conservatives are being urged to carry Tory Donor cards so they can be denied urgent medical treatment in an emergency.

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Difficulty in getting a GP appointment to become 7-day frustration, vows PM

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The horror of simply trying to get an appointment to see your GP will extend into the weekend by 2020, the government will announce today.

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Anti-aging vaccine could see Justin Bieber’s career continue indefinitely

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Researchers have discovered the secret to allowing cells to regenerate indefinitely, raising the possibility of a never-ending Justin Bieber music career, reports Op Ed News.

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