Health

Today is ‘Bring Your Cold To Work’ day, confirm co-workers

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Britain’s workers are apparently taking part in ‘Bring Your Cold To Work’ day today.

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Dont even think about it, Ozzy fans tell Death

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Heavy metal fans have formed a protective circle round the ill Ozzy Osbourne and told Death not to try anything funny.

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You should think for yourself and agree with me, insists conspiracy theorist without slightest trace of irony

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An Internet conspiracy theorist has insisted people should think for themselves and agree with him without the slightest trace of irony this morning.

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Woman submits husband for ‘Channing Tatum’ gene editing

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A woman has marched her husband into her local genetic research institute and demanded “one Channing Tatum, please”.

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No one interested in your bloody baby, broadsheet columnists told

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Columnists from major broadsheet newspapers have been told in no uncertain terms that nobody wants to read another piece about their bloody baby.

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Doctor’s receptionist happy to also be complete bitch at the weekend

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The receptionist at your local surgery has no problem in treating you with utter contempt at the weekends, too.

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Sod it, Dry January is over early, insists Britain

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This Dry January crap has gone on quite long enough, Britain has decided this morning.

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Half of British workers call in sick with Zika virus

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Some of your lazier colleagues are making spurious claims of having Zika.

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Gillian McKeith enters Big Brother house to increase crap coming out of it

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Dr. Gillian McKeith, or to use her full academic title, Gillian McKeith, has entered the Big Brother house to investigate the quality of shit being produced.

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Four dead following boyfriend’s dinner party

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Four people have died after your boyfriend offered to do the cooking for a bloody change.

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