Health

Legal Highs not produced by the Government’s friends now banned

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A blanket ban on all legal highs that aren’t from industries with close ties to the Government has come into force in the UK.

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We’ll drink anywhere really, insists Scotland

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After researchers claimed that Scotland is becoming a nation of home drinkers, Scots have insisted they have drunk wherever the hell they like since before there were homes.

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Pollen actually vegetable bukkake, hay fever sufferers told

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Hayfever sufferers say that thinking of pollen as ‘vegetable bukkake’ really doesn’t help a bit.

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Beans good for the heart, confirm scientists

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In a ground-breaking piece of research published today, cardiologists have announced revolutionary findings that beans are good for the heart.

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Magic mushrooms can also treat colds, insists weirdo

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A strange man with memory issues has insisted that magic mushrooms shouldn’t just be used to treat depression, but a range of ailments including ‘tired legs’ and ‘feeling a bit sniffly’.

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Trained chimps should ‘fill in’ for doctors, say NHS bosses

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Chimps, gorillas, and marmosets should be trained up to help fill in for doctors and help the NHS handle increased demand, said management body NHS Employers.

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Penis transplant recipient sends first unsolicited dick pic

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The first American man to undergo penis transplant surgery has successfully sent his first unsolicited dick pic.

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Woman proud of the quality of her digestive transit

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West London woman Eleanor Gay is very happy with her digestive transit and denies that constantly bringing it up in conversation is peculiar.

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Former London Mayors go on about Hitler because of something in the water, City Hall confirms

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Former mayors of London go on about Hitler because special ‘Hitler Powder’ is added the water, city hall has confirmed.

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Cyclist can do what the f*ck he likes

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A West London cyclist has confirmed that he can do whatever the fuck he likes as he sped through a crowded pedestrian crossing whilst making an obscene hand gesture.

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