Health

You need to spend £44k on a decent washroom when you have this much blood on your hands, claims Jeremy Hunt

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has defended the cost of his new £44,000 washroom, insisting that sometimes he just can’t wash the blood clean off his hands.

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Scottish baby boxes to come pre-filled with cans of Irn-Bru and Greggs steak slices

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Every family with a new baby in Scotland will get a box containing an Xbox, two cans of Irn-Bru and a Greggs sausage roll in a new scheme being rolled out this week.

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Jeremy Hunt’s new toilet just two full-time NHS nurses following him around with a bedpan

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Jeremy Hunt has been criticised for spending £44,000 on two full-time NHS nurses to follow him around with a bed pan.

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Westeros NHS “Fucked”

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The NHS for Westeros has essentially collapsed.

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Conservatives to reduce pressure on maternity wards by introducing ‘one child policy’

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The Conservative party have come up with a novel and unique solution to the pressure facing maternity wards in England.

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Gap in premature death rate between North and South still not wide enough, insist Southerners

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Northerners being 20% more likely to die prematurely than their Southern counterparts has been hailed as a ‘good start’ by Southerners.

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Mum bans all fun from household after spending 5 minutes reading parenting forum

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Last week a 37-year-old mum of two visited an online parenting forum for weaning advice and has immediately banned any form of laughter, silliness or enjoyment from her children’s lives.

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Jeremy Hunt announces 21,000 new NHS jobs to treat mental health problems he created

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Jeremy Hunt has announced 21,000 new NHS posts to stem the flow of suicidal junior doctors.

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Western civilisation wanking itself out of existence

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Revelations that the sperm count of men in the West had dropped 60% over 40 years prompted fears that, should the trend continue, the spunk produced in OECD countries will soon only be useful as a mild adhesive.

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Chlorine delicious, insists Brexiter

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There is nothing more delicious that a bit of chlorinated chicken, according to that Brexiter you know.

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