Health

Sixty towns join waiting list for new post-Brexit hospital

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The waiting list of towns wanting a new post-Brexit hospital is so big, you might be waiting a whole year for yours, according to reports this morning.

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Britain discovers one weird trick to lose pounds overnight

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Local nation Britain is the envy of other countries after discovering a weird trick to lose huge numbers of pounds in a single day.

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Man successfully believes it’s not butter

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Local legend Simon Williams has become the first man to successfully believe it’s not butter today.

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Noel Edmonds aiming to repair reputation of 70’s DJs by selling cancer cure

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Noel Edmonds has continued his one-man mission to restore the reputation of 70’s DJs by claiming to have a box that cures cancer.

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Green eggs and ham actually ‘pretty disgusting’ admits Dr Seuss

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Doctor Seuss has finally confessed that green eggs and ham tastes worse than ‘a plate of lukewarm cat sick’, it has been revealed today.

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Facebook now entirely populated by the galactically smug

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At 8.36 last night, modest man Jeremy Lumps deleted his Facebook account and in doing so he left Facebook now exclusively populated by the most self-satisfied people on the planet.

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The clue is in the title, say ecstasy users

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Ecstasy users have cited the name of the drug as a clue to why it has increased in popularity.

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Legal Highs not produced by the Government’s friends now banned

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A blanket ban on all legal highs that aren’t from industries with close ties to the Government has come into force in the UK.

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We’ll drink anywhere really, insists Scotland

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After researchers claimed that Scotland is becoming a nation of home drinkers, Scots have insisted they have drunk wherever the hell they like since before there were homes.

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Pollen actually vegetable bukkake, hay fever sufferers told

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Hayfever sufferers say that thinking of pollen as ‘vegetable bukkake’ really doesn’t help a bit.

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