Health

Healthy eating officially impossible, confirms study

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Maintaining a healthy and balanced diet has been declared far too difficult to even bother with in the first place, according to a new study.

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Banning ‘legal highs’ will make them just as hard to get as cannabis, insists government

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Government plans to ban ‘legal highs’ will make them as hard to get hold of as cannabis, we can report today.

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Man insistent his ‘sofa body’ will do just fine as his ‘beach body’

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Man Simon Williams has insisted today that he his ‘beach body ready’ as the body he uses for lying down on the sofa is perfectly equipped to lie on the beach.

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By the year 2030 men will live until 85 and work until 86, says report

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The men of England and Wales are in better health than ever and will soon die only a year before their projected retirement, according to a recent study.

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Hospital ‘touchscreen’ check-in worst idea ever, confirms everyone

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Literally every person you have ever met is trying to work out how a touchscreen patient check-in system could possibly be a logical concept in a fucking hospital.

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Exercise pointless if you keep pushing cakes into your fat face, conclude experts

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Scientists have confirmed that members of the public can run on a treadmill all they like, but it won’t make a jot of difference if they keep eating cake like their life depended on it.

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Study finds sports drinks failing to give drinkers enough energy to put bottle in bin

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Despite sports energy drinks containing substantial amounts of sugar and caffeine they still don’t give people enough energy to carry the empty bottle to a fucking bin, we can report today.

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Overweight people at lower risk of dementia because they’re already dead by then

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A recent study has found that fat people have a far lower risk of developing dementia due to being dead long before it can take hold.

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E-cigarette manufacturers celebrate as non-smoking teens found to be addicted

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The holy grail of a highly addictive product that can be legally sold to teenagers has been reached, according to new studies on e-cigarette use today.

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Doctors discover new eyesight disorder amongst parents of obese children

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Doctors have uncovered a new link between people having fat kids, and their inability to gauge the size of something standing right in front of them.

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