Health

Difficulty in getting a GP appointment to become 7-day frustration, vows PM

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The horror of simply trying to get an appointment to see your GP will extend into the weekend by 2020, the government will announce today.

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Anti-aging vaccine could see Justin Bieber’s career continue indefinitely

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Researchers have discovered the secret to allowing cells to regenerate indefinitely, raising the possibility of a never-ending Justin Bieber music career, reports Op Ed News.

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British couple to take goldfish to Australia for life-saving surgery

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A British couple are planning to take their sick 8 year-old goldfish to Australia for high-risk tumour removal surgery, it has emerged.

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Ebola panic subsides as scientists find cure for white people

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Global panic surrounding the Ebola virus has begun to subside after it was revealed an experimental treatment has cured every white person who has received it.

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Surgeons encouraging victims of illness to operate on themselves

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Victims of serious illness are being encouraged to operate on themselves, an inspection of hospital practises in England and Wales has found.

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#IceBucketChallenge is stupid, claims man without any nominations yet

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The viral #IceBucketChallenge is a stupid idea and makes you all look like morons, according to a man yet to single receive a nomination this morning.

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UK DNA research to focus on getting you drunk more easily

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DNA researchers in the UK are to take a leading role in genetically ensuring value for money when it comes to consuming alcohol, according to reports today.

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Ebola virus to be top sick-day excuse by this weekend

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British workers looking for a cheeky day off have explained how the Ebola virus will be their excuse of choice moving forward.

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Obese diabetics still struggling with concept of putting fewer things in their mouths

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More gastric band surgery for overweight type 2 diabetics has been announced, after the NHS admitted the concept of eating less was proving difficult for many of them to understand.

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Public ‘supports’ change to assisted suicide laws for the terminally stupid

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New research has shown that there is overwhelming support amongst the public to allow assisted suicide in cases where people are considered terminally stupid.

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