Health

We’ll take the risk of ‘girl on top’ injury, insist men

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With reports that ‘girl on top’ sexual positions are the most likely to cause injury to men, men have bravely confirmed that they’re absolutely fine with that, thanks very much.

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Daily Mail down to just 2,376,253 potential causes of cancer

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After research indicated that there is no link between mobile phones and brain cancer, the Daily Mail has been forced to reduce its list of headline carcinogens to just 2,376,251.

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Carlsberg’s new 7.5% Special Brew to target ‘health conscious’ alcoholics

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Carlsberg is to reduce the alcohol content of its Special Brew lager from 9% to 7.5% in an attempt to corner the lucrative health-conscious alcoholic market.

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Death rate amongst White Ebola victims holding steady at zero

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Doctors in Northampton are on high alert in order to keep the number of white people killed by Ebola at zero.

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Facebook privacy notice status updates ‘even less effective than homeopathy’

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Copying and pasting a lengthy status update asking Facebook not to invade your privacy has finally been classified as the least effective thing on the planet, according to experts this morning.

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Claims that detox smoothie is ‘actually quite nice’ prove to be false

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An East Sussex woman is at the centre of a controversy over claims that a kale, cucumber and prune detox smoothie she made didn’t taste utterly revolting.

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Government obesity research uncovers new link to ‘stuff going in your mouth’

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The government has announced that scientists working on its national obesity strategy have uncovered a direct link between the stuff that you put in your mouth and the stuff that magically appears on your arse.

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Diluting NHS funding for Homeopathy to make it infinitely more powerful

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Following a recommendation by the British Medical Council to scrap funding for Homeopathy on the NHS, homeopaths have claimed that such a dilution of their funding will only serve to make them stronger.

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Creationists demand evidence of missing link between HIV viruses

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HIV has not ‘evolved’ into a less deadly form, because scientists don’t have any fossils of the missing link between old HIV and new HIV, according to creationists this morning.

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Daily Mail’s homeopathy supporters urged to try Ebola treatment on themselves

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After the Daily Mail ran a story promoting ‘Doctors’ who claim homeopathy can cure Ebola, everyone suggested it would be a great idea to let them try it on themselves.

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