UK Spoof News and Satire

Health

Testicular electrodes should replace the pill, conclude women

After research showed that a dose of ultrasound can stop the production of sperm in human testicles, women everywhere claimed this was now the perfect replacement for the tiresome pill.

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Hustler adult flicks to feature judgemental cloaked figure with scythe

Future sex films produced by Californian jizz-enthusiasts Hustler are to feature a mysterious hooded character who bears a striking resemblance to Death, it has emerged.

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Cosmetic surgery ad ban ‘could lead to increase in product placement’

Cosmetic surgeons could be facing a ban on advertising, but watchdogs fear such a move could lead to a ‘huge swell’ in product placement.

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Andrew Lansley downgrades nurses from ‘highly revered professionals’ to ‘troublemaking harridans’

Health Secretary Andrew Lansley has moved to quickly to downgrade nurses’ standing in England to troublemaking harridans after the Royal College of Nursing and the Royal College of Midwives stated their “outright opposition” to the government’s NHS plans in England.

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Evil scientists plot downfall of bacon

Vile propaganda masquerading as scientific research, claiming that bacon is in some way unhealthy, has thrown the future of the delicious meat treat into doubt.

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Drinkers demand MPs change ’2 dry days a week’ advice to 3 mornings and a lunch

As millions of Britons struggle to come to terms with the first full week of work in 2012, many have asked insensitive MPs to redefine two days as three weekday mornings and lunch on Tuesday.

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Over 45s become obsolete

The age at which people are considered to no longer serve any useful purpose should be decreased to 45, according to a study by the British Medical Journal.

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Vinnie Jones to recommend ‘vice-like grip’ in testicular cancer campaign

The British Testicular Foundation in conjunction with Vinnie Jones is urging men to employ a vice-like grip when performing routine bollock inspections for cancer, it has emerged.

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Essex raises exploding breast alert from severe to critical

The danger of a ‘significant incident’ due to a volatile breast somewhere in Essex rose last night after forty thousand women across the county complained that their cheap silicone imports had started to fragment.

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