Health

Tory MP David Tredennick’s horoscope predicts relentless piss-taking

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Tory MP David Tredinnick’s horoscope has today predicted a day of relentless abuse and piss-taking, just 24 hours after suggesting astrology could save the NHS.

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Woman looks ’10 years younger’ after daily sessions with personal trainer on photoshop

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Home maker Tracy Williams has stunned friends by appearing ten years younger after spending months on a personal training regime with a Photoshop expert.

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I eat next to nothing except the blood of the living, claims Joanna Lumley

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Actress Joanna Lumley gains all the sustenance she needs from the blood of the living, according to a new interview.

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Keep Pot Noodles away from food, supermarkets warned

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Supermarkets are being urged to display Pot Noodles away from food so that people don’t accidentally assume they’re edible.

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Homeopaths delighted by repeated dilution of their NHS funding

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Homeopathy practitioners are reported to be delighted by news the NHS is to further cut their funding, as the less money they get the more effective they become.

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Ministers begin NHS policy rewrite by opening thesaurus at word ‘dismantle’

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Ministers have agreed to a significant rewrite of their controversial NHS proposals after opening the cabinet thesaurus at the word ‘dismantle’.

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We’ll take the risk of ‘girl on top’ injury, insist men

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With reports that ‘girl on top’ sexual positions are the most likely to cause injury to men, men have bravely confirmed that they’re absolutely fine with that, thanks very much.

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Daily Mail down to just 2,376,253 potential causes of cancer

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After research indicated that there is no link between mobile phones and brain cancer, the Daily Mail has been forced to reduce its list of headline carcinogens to just 2,376,251.

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Carlsberg’s new 7.5% Special Brew to target ‘health conscious’ alcoholics

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Carlsberg is to reduce the alcohol content of its Special Brew lager from 9% to 7.5% in an attempt to corner the lucrative health-conscious alcoholic market.

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Death rate amongst White Ebola victims holding steady at zero

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Doctors in Northampton are on high alert in order to keep the number of white people killed by Ebola at zero.

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