Environment

Woman successfully offsets huge carbon footprint by sharing climate change article on Facebook

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A woman who drives to the shops in a spotless 4×4 that has never left central London has successfully offset her vast carbon footprint by sharing a harshly worded Facebook link about climate change deniers, it was confirmed last night.

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Fairies fail to remove broken washing machine left by the side of the road

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The fairies have inexplicably failed to take away an old washing machine left on the street.

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Just hand over the bread and there won’t be any trouble, say geese

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Put the bread on the ground and back away slowly, geese have confirmed today.

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Rare form of lichen discovered growing on Jeremy Corbyn

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Biologists have been delighted by the news that a rare form of lichen has been found growing on Jeremy Corbyn.

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The Very Hungry Caterpillar given gastric band

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A caterpillar with a serious eating disorder is to be given a gastric band on the NHS.

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Khorne the Blood God to embrace veganism

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Khorne the Blood God is to replace his controversial Skull Throne with one made of Broccoli after criticism from PETA.

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So long and thanks for all the fish, say dolphins on eve of inauguration

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The dolphins have vacated the planet Earth, apparently fearing some terrible and imminent catastrophe.

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If planet is warming why did I have to scrape ice off my car this morning, asks UKIP environment spokesperson

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As scientists announced that 2016 is likely to be the warmest on record, UKIP’s environment spokesperson has said that can’t be true as they had to wear socks in bed last night.

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Storm surge threatens coastal areas with massive waves of immigration metaphors

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Low-lying areas of the UK risk being swamped by a tidal wave of immigration metaphors, it has emerged.

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Scottish weather described as horrendous, unendurable and quite mild for the time of year

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Up to eight inches of snow fell in Scotland overnight, leaving workers wondering if they’ll need a jacket to go to Greggs this lunchtime.

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