Environment

Wasp bastardy at all-time high

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This year has seen the highest levels of wasp bastardy since records began.

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Japan now completely free of lank-haired girl ghosts

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Japan today announced that the last lank-haired girl ghost in the country has been eliminated and it is now 100% lank-haired girl ghost free.

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Sellafield power plant now ‘mostly Gaffer tape’

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Sellafield Nuclear Processing Plant is 56% gaffer tape, according to the latest safety reports.

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China overrun by Giant Pandas

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Giant Pandas have been at it like rabbits, the Chinese government has confirmed.

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Picnics just street drinking for the middle-class, finds report

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A new report has found that picnics are almost exclusively a form of street drinking for the middle-classes.

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Yes I do need the whole of the f*cking road, confirms cyclist

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A cyclist has confirmed in no uncertain terms that yes, he definitely does need the whole of the f*cking road actually.

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Dogging season ruined by start of grouse hunting season

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Britain’s doggers are up in arms today, claiming their traditional pastime is being ruined by interlopers on the countryside shooting at grouse.

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MPs set for £10 million bonus as Frack for Cash site discovered under Houses of Parliament

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A surprise discovery of a fracking site under the Houses of Parliament means that MP’s are due a £10 million windfall under the new Frack for Cash government backed scheme.

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Yorkshire told to stop pissing in the sink

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High levels of bacteria in Yorkshire water supplies have led to locals being told to use a proper lavatory like normal people.

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Owners warned not to leave goths in a locked car during hot weather

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Reports published today warn that a goth left in a locked car can have the radio retuned to Kerrang! within twenty minutes, with owners running the risk of having to listen to endless repeats of Disturbed and Black Veil Brides all the way home if they aren’t careful.

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