Environment

Nuclear War ‘might hit house prices’, warns report

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Global Thermonuclear War might push homeowners across the South of England into negative equity, reports have warned today.

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Other countries secretly jealous of British weather

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Other countries with their ‘heat waves’ and ‘horrifying 40-degree temperatures’ are secretly jealous of Britain’s steady August drizzle.

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Yazz shown the way down

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Top eighties pop star Yazz has given up on a lifetime of insisting that the only way is up after she was shown the way down earlier this week.

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Jeremy Clarkson to be 100% electric by 2040

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The government has announced that by 2040 Jeremy Clarkson will be 100% electric in a bid to tackle harmful pollutants.

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Great Outdoors to be rebranded ‘Outdoors’

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A recent study has found that most people no longer consider the Great Outdoors to be in any way ‘great’ and accordingly, it is to be rebranded ‘Outdoors’ to reflect this new attitude.

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Iceberg now free to negotiate trade deals with the entire world

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An iceberg the size of Wales which broke away from Antarctica today is keen to pursue a trade deal with South Georgia, it has announced.

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Britain more worried about flying ants than potential terrorists

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Britain has issued a critical flying ant warning, whilst downgrading the terror alert to ‘meh’.

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Atlantis declares war on North Korea after series of missile attacks

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The mysterious undersea kingdom says its patience is exhausted after years of missile and artillery bombardments.

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It’s still hot, confirms great Facebook weather sage

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A great and powerful sage of weather has used to Facebook to confirm to friends and associates that it is still hot.

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Some of England’s heatwave “should belong to Scotland” demands Nicola Sturgeon

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Nicola Sturgeon attacked England last night for sweltering under a heatwave while Scotland makes do with second-rate weather.

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