Environment

Discarded Morrissey albums ‘a greater environmental catastrophe’ than plastic bottles

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Morrissey records thrown out in disgust by the general public are posing a greater hazard to the marine ecosystem than empty bottles of Fanta, it has emerged.

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Man happy paying £1.50 for stuff that comes free from the tap furious at paying 10p for bottle it comes in

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People who don’t think twice about paying £1.50 for a bottle of water that would have cost them a fraction of a penny if it came from their tap, are today losing their shit at plans to charge them ten pence for the bottle it comes in.

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Hibernating bear definitely having a better time of it than you

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A bear who has spent the last three months asleep in a cave with some honey and a back scratcher has had a nicer time than you, it has confirmed.

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Plastic derides Britain’s half-arsed attempts to manage without it

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The current move to ‘deplastify’ daily life because a weird combination of David Attenborough and the Daily Mail told us to is a load of old bollocks, it has emerged.

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Donald Trump claims global warming is a hoax after aide forgets to put heating on

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US President Donald Trump has insisted global warming is a hoax after a member of his support staff turned down the thermostat in his Mar-a-Lago suite.

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Panda refused to share flight with Margaret Thatcher

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A panda once refused to share a flight to the United States with British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, newly released National Archives files have revealed.

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Elephants legalise the squishing of wealthy thrill-killing arseholes

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The African Pachyderm Organisation stunned conservationists by ending a long-standing moratorium on the crushing of rich tossers who think slaughtering rare wildlife somehow makes up for the loveless pantomime that is their life.

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Please stop eating us in your sleep, beg house spiders

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For people who claim to be afraid of spiders you eat a heck of a lot of us in your sleep, spiders have said today.

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Alien seed pods discovered across country following appearance of red sun

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Hundreds of thousands of what seem to be alien seed pods were discovered yesterday evening in gardens across the country.

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EU to blame for European dust coming over here and ruining Britain’s sky, insists UKIP

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UKIP has laid the blame for the murky UK skies squarely at the feet of the EU, for allowing European dust to wander across the border unchecked.

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