Environment

Elephants legalise the squishing of wealthy thrill-killing arseholes

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The African Pachyderm Organisation stunned conservationists by ending a long-standing moratorium on the crushing of rich tossers who think slaughtering rare wildlife somehow makes up for the loveless pantomime that is their life.

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Please stop eating us in your sleep, beg house spiders

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For people who claim to be afraid of spiders you eat a heck of a lot of us in your sleep, spiders have said today.

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Alien seed pods discovered across country following appearance of red sun

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Hundreds of thousands of what seem to be alien seed pods were discovered yesterday evening in gardens across the country.

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EU to blame for European dust coming over here and ruining Britain’s sky, insists UKIP

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UKIP has laid the blame for the murky UK skies squarely at the feet of the EU, for allowing European dust to wander across the border unchecked.

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Sky a funny colour confirms absolutely everyone on Facebook

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Literally everyone on Facebook has confirmed that the sky is currently a funny colour.

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Badger fancies its chances against UKIP leader

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After hearing that new UKIP leader Henry Bolton thinks he could kill a badger with his bare hands, badgers everywhere have suggested they fancy their chances.

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Government demands weather forecasters should make their storm warnings more patriotic and optimistic

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The British government have told meteorologists to simply think more positively and optimistically when issuing forecasts ahead of an impending storm.

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Hurricane Ophelia will kill us all, insists Michael Fish

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Michael Fish has stepped out of retirement to issue a serious warning about hurricane Ophelia.

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Donald Trump promotes US energy production through burning of exciting new substance called ‘coal’

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After learning about a revolutionary new energy source called coal, Donald Trump is reportedly keen to promote its use through taxpayer subsidies.

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Wales screwed as solar power named fastest growing source of energy

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A new report by the International Energy Agency suggests with solar power dominating future energy that prospects are bleak for the Welsh, whose country receives approximately twenty three and a half hours of rainfall every day.

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