Environment

Picnics just street drinking for the middle-class, finds report

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A new report has found that picnics are almost exclusively a form of street drinking for the middle-classes.

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Yes I do need the whole of the f*cking road, confirms cyclist

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A cyclist has confirmed in no uncertain terms that yes, he definitely does need the whole of the f*cking road actually.

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Dogging season ruined by start of grouse hunting season

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Britain’s doggers are up in arms today, claiming their traditional pastime is being ruined by interlopers on the countryside shooting at grouse.

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MPs set for £10 million bonus as Frack for Cash site discovered under Houses of Parliament

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A surprise discovery of a fracking site under the Houses of Parliament means that MP’s are due a £10 million windfall under the new Frack for Cash government backed scheme.

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Yorkshire told to stop pissing in the sink

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High levels of bacteria in Yorkshire water supplies have led to locals being told to use a proper lavatory like normal people.

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Owners warned not to leave goths in a locked car during hot weather

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Reports published today warn that a goth left in a locked car can have the radio retuned to Kerrang! within twenty minutes, with owners running the risk of having to listen to endless repeats of Disturbed and Black Veil Brides all the way home if they aren’t careful.

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Southern Rail a terrorist act against UK

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As Southern Rail today permanently removes 15% of services from their timetable, the country is coming to terms with the fact that the only reasonable explanation for Southern Rail is that it is a terrorist act against the country.

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Cats would vote to leave EU and then refuse to go out

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Britain’s cats would vote to leave the EU but refuse to go out once the door was opened, they have announced.

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‘Biblical’ swarm of moths exploited our open borders, claim UKIP

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Millions of European moths have entered the UK over the last few weeks and the government can do nothing about it due to freedom of movement, according to UKIP this morning.

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Wasps reach out to bees’ PR team

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The PR team responsible for the recent stunning boost in the profile of bees will now work to do the same with wasps.

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