Environment

Russian meteorite found to be 30% horse

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The Food Standards Agency (FSA) has addresses criticism of its role in the horsemeat scandal by claiming that the meteor which fell over Russia’s Ural mountains contained no more than 30% horse.

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Human penises are technically disposable too, claim women

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After the Sea Slug impressed researchers with its ability to detach its penis, women everywhere said that with enough will power and the correct tools the human penis is equally disposable.

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Dolphins ‘intelligent enough not to rely on NHS’

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Dolphins have demonstrated their preference for medical treatment from a stranger with a knife than an NHS Accident and Emergency ward.

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France tells southern England, ‘he who smelt it, dealt it’

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A foul smell across the south of England must have been created by the English people who first noticed it, according to France.

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Wettest year on record sees likelihood of hosepipe ban fall to just 95%

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As the Met Office announced the wettest year in England since records began, bookmakers have shortened the odds on an English hosepipe ban in 2013 to just 1-20.

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‘Offset murder’ offers wealthy an easier way of tackling climate change

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A psychopathic think-tank has suggested a radical solution to man-made global warming, by murdering impoverished strangers so the wealthy can offset their carbon emissions.

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Nick Clegg ‘disappointed’ by unambitious carbon target lies

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Nick Clegg has criticized the government’s recently announced energy policy, claiming the lies about carbon targets could have been much more far-reaching and unachievable.

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New EU laws demand ‘changes to Britain’s swans’

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Angry Eurosceptics are once again crying a wild ‘foul’, with new rules in Brussels threatening to outlaw the traditional British swan.

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Middle-aged chimps observed buying small red sports cars

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As researchers discovered that chimpanzees and orangutans may undergo a form of ‘mid-life crisis’, the first reports of a chimp purchasing a small red sports car emerged.

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BBC to launch Children in Need of Being Left Alone for Five Minutes

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The BBC is to launch a new campaign in which all of their employees are urged to leave children well alone for five bloody minutes.

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