Environment

Cats would vote to leave EU and then refuse to go out

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Britain’s cats would vote to leave the EU but refuse to go out once the door was opened, they have announced.

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‘Biblical’ swarm of moths exploited our open borders, claim UKIP

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Millions of European moths have entered the UK over the last few weeks and the government can do nothing about it due to freedom of movement, according to UKIP this morning.

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Wasps reach out to bees’ PR team

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The PR team responsible for the recent stunning boost in the profile of bees will now work to do the same with wasps.

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Man in convertible BMW ‘almost certainly’ a prick

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There is a large degree of certainty that a man driving a convertible BMW, with the top down, on a major motorway, is actually a colossal prick.

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Parisians stockpile wine, berets, and smelly cheese as river levels rise

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The people of Paris are preparing for further potentially devastating floods by moving stockpiles of essentials such as high-quality wine, berets, smelly cheeses, snails, and moustache wax to higher ground.

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Administrative error sees June replaced by February

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A meteorological administrative mistake has seen February appear after May, instead of the traditional June.

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Government powerless to stop EU floods entering Britain claim ‘Vote Leave’

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‘Vote Leave’ has enraged the Remain campaign by claiming that EU regulations mean the UK will have to accept some of the floods currently plaguing France and Germany.

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George Osborne shot dead after child falls into his enclosure

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The Chancellor of the Exchequer has been shot to protect a child who fell into his enclosure.

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Pollen actually vegetable bukkake, hay fever sufferers told

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Hayfever sufferers say that thinking of pollen as ‘vegetable bukkake’ really doesn’t help a bit.

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Britain welcomes in autumn

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After a balmy four-day summer that saw temperatures reach 27C, Britain has said goodbye to barbecues and shorts, and welcomed in autumn.

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