Entertainment

Jeremy Corbyn pledges milkshakes that will bring boys to *everybody’s* yard

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The Labour leader has promised an end to Tory ‘I could teach you but I’ll have to charge’ by promising free tuition in milkshakes.

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New Transformers film draws comparisons to Ingmar Bergman

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The latest Transformers movie has been hailed as an intellectual triumph.

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Game of Thrones now promoted as feel-good escapism for the summer

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Amandine Rezian, a publicist for HBO, said that, in light of the events of the last year, viewers are now looking to get a sense of cosiness and security from the violent and hyper-sexualised TV show.

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Old woman who lives in her shoe to appear in Channel 5 documentary about single mothers

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An old woman with so many children she doesn’t know what to do will appear on a Channel 5 documentary about life on benefits this autumn.

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Daniel Day-Lewis quits acting after failing to win lead role in Captain Underpants movie

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Three-time Oscar winner Daniel Day-Lewis has announced that he is retiring from acting after failing to secure a role in Captain Underpants, a new children’s film due out in July.

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Sherlock team promises Dracula will also be completely up its own arse

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The team behind the BBC’s Sherlock series have confirmed that their forthcoming version of Dracula will also be “completely up its own arse”.

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Brian Cant retires to the big toy cupboard in the sky

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Brian Cant has gone to look through the Pearly Gate-shaped window.

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Jay-Z confirms he now has 101 problems

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Jay-Z and Beyoncé have announced the birth of their twins, causing two more massive headaches for the already-stressed-out rapper.

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Roboute Guilliman pledges ‘Strong and Stable leadership’ for divided Imperium

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A galaxy divided by the Cicatrix Maledictum needs strong and stable leadership in the Imperial interest, Roboute Guilliman has announced today.

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Man, inevitably, gets fidget spinner stuck in bottom

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To the shock of absolutely no one, a man has got a fidget spinner lodged in his bottom.

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