Entertainment

Victoria Beckham awarded OBE for services to music industry by leaving it

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Former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham has received an OBE in recognition of her services to the music industry by leaving it to pursue a career in fashion.

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“I shall return!” cries George Osborne as he falls into his own reactor

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George Osborne has vowed to return after plunging into his own reactor this afternoon.

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I’ll present Match of the Day in my pants if Labour win the next General Election
, confirms Gary Lineker

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, confirms Gary Lineker

Gary Lineker vowed today to don boxers and make Alan Shearer and Danny Murphy awkwardly sit through it once again, if Labour manages to gain control in the House of Commons after the election on June 8th.

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Jeremy Corbyn uncertain which way to vote in the forthcoming election

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Jeremy Corbyn has told friends he hasn’t decided who to vote for in the general election yet.

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John Terry to leave Chelsea in bid to become the new Doctor Who

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Stalwart defender John Terry has announced his intention to quit Chelsea at the end of the season.

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Everyone who watched Doctor Who now gay

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Some five million people who watched the new episode of Doctor Who on Saturday are now gay following the show’s controversial decision to make the new assistant – Bill – a gay woman.

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Jesus respawns, activates God mode

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Jesus Christ, Lord and Saviour of Mankind, has respawned after getting crucifragged on Friday.

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New Star Wars trailer literally the most important thing in the world right now

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There’s probably some things happening in the news today but they aren’t that important, we can confirm.

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Man infers entire Star Wars plot from the words “Breathe, just breathe”

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Star Wars fan Simon Williams has confidently announced he knows exactly what will happen in the Last Jedi from three words and a succession of disjointed, context-free images.

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Thrushes demand vaginal infections be renamed ‘Danny Dyer’

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Songbirds have demanded vaginal infections be renamed after Danny Dyer as he’s an irritating c***.

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