Entertainment

Gooners already deciding who to blame for next season’s poor performance

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Arsenal football clubs is rumoured to be planning to pick three managers now, to save time next autumn.

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“Wenger Out” sign manufacturers facing mass redundancies

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The ‘Wenger Out’ sign manufacturing industry is facing collapse today due to Arsene Wenger being finally out.

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Discarded Morrissey albums ‘a greater environmental catastrophe’ than plastic bottles

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Morrissey records thrown out in disgust by the general public are posing a greater hazard to the marine ecosystem than empty bottles of Fanta, it has emerged.

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You can’t even say racist things without being called a racist, laments Morrissey

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Singer, vegan, and twat Morrissey has used an interview with a deluded sycophant to complain that whenever he says anything racist, he is branded a racist.

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Complete simpleton still doing facebook questionnaires

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Despite an overwhelming tsunami of reasons why he shouldn’t, local simpleton Simon Williams is still sharing Facebook quizzes with his friends.

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Singer singing songs is momentous historical event, claim completely reasonable music journalists

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Many cultural commentators have just proclaimed that a recent performance by the popular singer Beyonce at the music festival Coachella, was an event of great historical importance even though it was a scheduled appearance by a professional singer at a setting specifically designed for that purpose.

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Mark Zuckerberg to be fitted with empathy chip

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Mark Zuckerberg is to be upgraded to ‘the full range of human emotions’ as Facebook attempt to defuse their ongoing problems.Mark Zuckerberg is to be upgraded to ‘the full range of human emotions’ as Facebook attempt to defuse their ongoing problems.

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BBC to follow up Rivers of Blood speech by asking Katie Hopkins to recite Mein Kampf

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After announcing they are to broadcast a reading of Enoch Powell’s infamous Rivers of Blood speech, the BBC have hinted they will follow it up by asking Katie Hopkins to recite Mein Kampf.

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Jeremy Corbyn calls for independent enquiry into outcome of a game of Cluedo

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The Labour leader has said it is ‘impossible to be sure’ that Professor Plum killed Doctor Black with the Candlestick in the Ballroom.

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Theresa May calls on Rastamouse to beat London crime epidemic

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Crime-fighting rodent Rastamouse is the key to cutting knife-related murders in London, according to Theresa May.

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