Entertainment

Ed Sheeran to become omnipresent by 2018

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Singer Ed Sheeran has announced plans to be involved in every single facet of your life from early 2018.

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Slaughter of male BBC presenters could save licence fee payer billions, pledges Theresa May

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TV licences are set to become a lot cheaper after the government announced plans to cull leading male presenters.

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Great Outdoors to be rebranded ‘Outdoors’

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A recent study has found that most people no longer consider the Great Outdoors to be in any way ‘great’ and accordingly, it is to be rebranded ‘Outdoors’ to reflect this new attitude.

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Wormtail quits as White House press secretary

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Half-man half-rat Peter Pettigrew has resigned suddenly from his role as chief spokesman for the White House.

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World feels so numb

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The voice of those who could not scream for themselves has been silenced.

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‘Not enough Americans’ in Dunkirk movie, says Hollywood

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Hollywood’s top military historians are up in arms over the lack of Americans in the new film ‘Dunkirk’.

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Cersei Lannister agrees £1.5 billion ‘confidence and supply’ deal with Greyjoys

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Cersei Lannister has been accused of bribing the Greyjoys after agreeing a £1.5 billion deal to prop up her minority monarchy.

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BBC to launch 24-hour rolling Jeremy Corbyn channel

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The BBC is to respond to criticism that it does not cover the Labour leader enough by launching a 24-hour rolling Corbyn channel.

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Two million ‘a small price to pay’ for Chris Evans’ wit and spontaneity, nation agrees

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Top earning disc jockey, Chris Evans, is probably underpaid according to virtually anyone in Britain with a radio.

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Nation grimly resolves to listen to Chris Evans in attempt to get value for money

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Everyone has decided to grit their teeth and make an attempt to listen to Chris Evans’ Radio 2 breakfast show to try and get some semblance of value for money after the revelation of his £2.2million pay packet.

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