Entertainment

‘Directioners’ comforting distraught Top Gear fans

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Members of a local One Direction fan club have set up a support group, help line and counselling service for people affected by Jeremy Clarkson’s sacking.

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Idris Elba wins lead role in new Roger Moore biopic

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Luther star Idris Elba is to play Roger Moore in a biographical depiction of the life of the former James Bond actor.

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Lonely Jeremy Clarkson caught narrating shopping trolley performance around Waitrose

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Recently fired former Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has been seen wandering around a Cotswolds Waitrose narrating the performance of his shopping trolley.

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Future X Factor winners to be rewarded with zero hours recording contracts

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After televised confirmation by Prime Minister David Cameron that zero hours contracts are in fact ‘real’ jobs, Simon Cowell has moved to implement them for all X Factor winners.

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Zayn Malik leaving One Direction foretold by Nostradamus

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An ancient manuscript from Nostradamus predicted Zayn Malik leaving One Direction nearly 500 years before he was even born.

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Zayn Malik quits One Direction to head up new Top Gear

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One Direction heart-throb Zayn Malik has sensationally quit the group to become the new presenter of Top Gear.

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People with horrifically skewed priorities ‘in mourning’ as Clarkson is let go

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The decision not to renew Jeremy Clarkson’s Top Gear contract has been described by middle-aged men everywhere as ‘the worst thing that could possibly happen to me’.

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Katie Hopkins somehow fails to make list of Twitter’s happiest celebs

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Professional moron-baiter Katie Hopkins has surprisingly failed to make a list of the happiest celebs on Twitter.

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Perverts optimistic over Taylor Swift’s purchase of ‘.porn’ domain name

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Taylor Swift’s purchase of the TaylorSwift.porn and TaylorSwift.adult Internet domain names has seen optimism amongst perverts reach feverish levels.

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Pop stars shouldn’t sexualise themselves insists singer with globally recognised arse tattoo

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Today’s female pop stars do not have to overly sexualise themselves, according to pop-star Cheryl Fernandez-Versini who has an arse that everyone everywhere has seen.

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