Entertainment

Outrage follows claims Last Tango in Paris used I Can’t Believe It’s not Butter

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The director of Last Tango in Paris has been accused of trivialising rape after using a cheap butter substitute.

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‘Why the f*ck do we still live here?’ asks Midsomer resident

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A Midsomer resident has finally asked fellow residents exactly why they continue to live in the murderous county.

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New dystopian horror film to be set on Southern Rail train

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A new film about a terrifying future in which people are dehumanised and shorn of hope and joy is to be set on a Southern Rail commuter train.

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Meat Loaf regrets not doing that for love

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As Meat Loaf prepares for the 2017 opening of his Bat out of Hell musical in the West End, he has been speaking of his regret that he decided against doing that for love.

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Small Spanish waiter at pearly gates repeatedly telling St Peter ‘I know nothing’

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St Peter is refusing to let a small Spanish waiter enter the gates of Heaven unless he can explain why he is there.

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David Attenborough to be kept in cotton wool-lined matchbox until 2016 is over

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Following the death of yet another national treasure in actor Andrew Sachs, who died yesterday aged 86, the government have decided to place the country’s much-loved naturalist, David Attenborough, in a cotton wool-lined matchbox, where he will remain until the ill-fated year of 2016 has passed.

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Only two more England managers ’til Christmas, football fans told

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The start of December means that England will only have two more managers before Christmas day.

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Prince Adam of Eternia accused of He-Mansplaining

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Prince Adam of Eternia has been telling She-Ra how to care for her winged horse all afternoon and it’s really winding her up.

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First viewing of Christmas porn really gets man in festive spirit

An Essex man has spoken of his delight at viewing the first Christmas themed porn of the season.

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Border Collies really, really love KISS

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The Black-and-white colouring of Border Collies is to display their love of KISS, vets have confirmed.

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