Entertainment

God condemns Labour party to forty years in the wilderness

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God has condemned the Labour Party to forty years in the electoral wilderness in response to the stuff they’ve been saying about Jews lately.

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Middle-aged man thinks Kendrick Lamar is ‘fresh’

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Simon Williams, a middle-aged man from Reading has declared that he likes Kendrick Lamar and considers him both ‘def’ and ‘fresh.’

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Top Gear announces spin-off apology show

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Transport fans are in for a treat this Spring, with not one but two new Top Gear shows.

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Doctor’s strike results in Daleks conquering the universe

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A 48-hour walkout by Doctors has resulted in the Daleks conquering the universe, it has been confirmed.

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Jay-Z rushes out hastily-produced album about sleeping on the couch

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Rap star Jay-Z has released an unexpected and evidently hastily-produced album about how he’s been sleeping on the couch for the last six months today.

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Judge in Stairway to Heaven lawsuit promises unrehearsed 45-minute solo summing up speech

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The judge in the Stairway to Heaven copyright case will make an unrehearsed 45-minute solo summing up speech.

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Keith Richards undergoes The Quickening

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With the death of every other rock star, Keith Richards has absorbed their power and knowledge to become all-powerful.

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Shakin’ Stevens still alive

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There was widespread relief today at the news that Shakin’ Stevens is still alive.

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BBC to introduce regular dead celebrity round up

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BBC news bulletins are to introduce a dedicated dead celebrity round-up.

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David Cameron hails his favourite Prince song, Purple Haze

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David Cameron has paid tribute to Prince, who died unexpectedly aged just 57 and has opened up about his long-held passion for the late artist’s work.

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