Entertainment

Bill Turnbull ‘sick of this shit’

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There were tears on the Breakfast sofa yesterday when Bill Turnbull officially announced that he was ‘sick of this shit,’ and was leaving.

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Black actor capable of acting, Bond author told

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There was shock yesterday as it was revealed that a black actor is capable of acting.

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Self-driving cars risk putting clowns out of business

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Clown spokesmen have issued a stark warning that self-driving cars risk putting thousands of their drivers out of work this morning.

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Wes Craven retires to your dreams on a permanent basis

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Horror film director Wes Craven has taken up residence in your dreams on a permanent basis, it was announced this morning.

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Reading residents begin lockdown preparations for Reading Festival

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People who live in Reading have been reinforcing their doors and making sure they’ve got enough food in to see them through the Reading Festival period.

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One Direction to ‘follow dream’ by taking over BBC weather

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One Direction are to split next year so that the group can follow their dream of taking over the Met Office’s BBC weather contract.

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One Direction take break to focus on comeback tour

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One Direction are to take a year long break to concentrate on a lucrative comeback tour in early 2017.

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Israeli spy dolphin actually a nostalgic Roger Moore

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An alleged Israeli spy dolphin was in fact Roger Moore pining for the halcyon days of Octopussy and Live and let Die.

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Awful visitor attractions rebranding as Banksy exhibits

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Every terrible visitor attraction in the country is rebranding as a Banksy exhibit, according to sources this morning.

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Recommending Breaking Bad to others the only charitable thing millennials do, finds study

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Raising awareness for the AMC series Breaking Bad has now overtaken charitable donations as the most virtuous thing that millennials do for strangers.

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