Education

Pupils given first-hand experience of the dangers of fascism as Katie Hopkins launches tour of schools

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GSCE pupils will be exposed to the toxic shit fountain for one hour in the hope that she will horrify them into growing up to become rational human beings, according to reports.

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Top fib parents tell children is ‘You’ll get a good job and own a house’

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A survey of top fibs that parents tell their children has revealed that the number one fib is ‘You’ll get a good job and own a nice house’.

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Six-year-old boy wearily sits down confused parents to explain transgender issues

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Six-year-old Jake Williams has sat his parents down to explain to them the confusing topic of gender fluidity.

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Idiot parents reminded that small children are confused by EVERYTHING

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Small children are confused by basically everything, the nation was reminded today.

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Christian parents suing school for letting boy wear dress spend every Sunday listening to man in a dress

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A Christian couple who are suing a school after they let a 6-year-old boy attend school in a dress decided to take legal action on Sunday morning while listening to a man in a dress.

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Sunderland school sending children home leaves nation shocked that children in Sunderland go to school

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Reports of a Sunderland school sending children home for wearing the wrong uniform has left the nation shocked that they were there in the first place.

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Parents reminded that all children grow at that speed

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The nation’s parents have been reliably informed that their children are not actually “growing up so fast”.

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Halfwit actress’ website may not be the best source of medical advice, says shock report

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A website filled with the wittering voices in Gwyneth Paltrow’s head may not be a better source of health advice than an actual qualified doctor, according to shock claims made today.

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Everyone mentally converting GCSE numbers into proper grades

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As the first set of GCSE results based on the 1-9 scoring system are released, everyone is busy converting them in their heads into the format they actually understand.

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Teenagers set to receive first in lifelong series of soul-crushing disappointments

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Across the country, teenagers are set to collect their GCSE results and are girding themselves for the first in a long line of desperate, soul-crushing disappointments.

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