Education

Children’s behaviour influenced by parents’ inability to turn TV off

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After complaining that their children are copying the behaviour of pre-schoolers cartoon favourite, Peppa Pig, parents are being offered a crash course in how to turn their televisions off.

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Thick kids don’t get any brighter, finds study

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Children who struggle with the three ‘Rs’ when they start primary school will not get any brighter just because you want them to, a new survey has discovered.

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Confusion as consistently average schools labelled ‘inconsistent’

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Parents and teachers alike have criticised school inspectors for their ‘sometimes baffling’ use of the English language after a new report on standards in education was handed in late and riddled with errors.

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University application slump could reduce traffic cone theft

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The 13% decrease in the number of students applying for university places next year could dramatically reduce the number of traffic cones that end up in the hallways of student houses or on the heads of statues, Universities and Science Minister David Willetts has revealed.

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Police disperse student protesters with impromptu Billy Bragg gig

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The Police successfully avoided a repeat of the violence that marred last year’s student marches by deploying a middle-aged socialist with a guitar to help disperse protesters at yesterday’s demonstration in London.

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‘I bet you were an August baby’ to become most popular insult

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After a study showed that summer-born children were at an academic and professional disadvantage throughout their lives, people everywhere were introduced to a whole new world of potential insults.

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‘Delay applying for courses until we’ve seen your parents’ income’ urges UCAS

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UCAS, the organisation that tells students where they can spend their money, is demanding a shake-up to the application process to favour hopeful youngsters that are genuinely financially gifted, insisting students should only apply after they’ve supplied proof of their parents’ earnings.

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Katie Price to tell Oxford Union all about exploiting simpletons

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Katie Price will address students at the Oxford Union and give them an insight into the business of effectively exploiting simpletons for financial gain.

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Children’s packed lunches lack couscous, warn foodie experts

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Experts in fiddly food have slammed the low couscous content in Britain’s school lunchboxes, and claim some children have been sent to school without olives.

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Parents support teacher’s right to hit everyone else’s children

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Nearly half of all parents of secondary school children believe corporal punishment such as the cane should be reintroduced for other people’s children, if they can’t be as well behaved as their own, a survey suggests.

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