Education

Careers advice service to be replaced with general apathy

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Experts have warned that a re-organisation of careers advice services in England could lead to young people receiving advice from an apathetic physics teacher who is pre-occupied with the racing section of the Sporting Life.

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Pupils should study maths until they willingly avoid the sort of loan company I endorsed, says Carol Vorderman

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TV presenter Carol Vorderman has said that more than 300,000 16-year-olds complete their education without a sufficient understanding of maths to help them avoid the sort of debt consolidation company that she endorsed for 10 years.

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Competition will improve Universities just like it improved prime-time television, claims government

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The government has announced plans to introduce greater competition in the higher education sector, citing prime-time television as a perfect example of how quality dramatically improves when you introduce more competing choices.

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If you strike, people will have as little respect for you as I do, Gove warns teachers

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Education secretary Michael Gove has warned teachers that if they go ahead with strike action they run the risk of people viewing them with the same level of contempt as he does.

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Failing primary schools set to become failing academies

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Two hundred of England’s worst-performing primary schools will be closed next year and re-opened as England’s worst performing academies, the government has said.

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Further exam disruption as religious studies paper found to contain no answers

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Students have faced further disruption to their AS-level exams after it was revealed that the answers for a religious studies exam were based on an illogical concept that revolves around super-beings and magic.

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Top universities a ‘breeding ground’ for Tories, warn Islamic groups

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Islamic groups have accused top Universities of complacency in tackling the number of people on campus expressing the sort of views normally associated with members of the Conservative party.

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This is why we shouldn’t let people vote on anything, insists BAFTA

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After The Only Way Is Essex won an award at the television BAFTAs, organisers insisted that this is the clearest sign yet that the people of the UK should not be allowed to vote on anything at all.

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Poor people encouraged to just accept rich people are better than them

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After plans that could allow rich people to buy university places were announced, the government said we could do without all this secret policy stuff if poor people just admitted rich people were better than them.

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Rich students not remotely arsed about increase in tuition fees

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Students whose parents have a level of wealth that most people would struggle to comprehend have confirmed that they really couldn’t give less of a toss how much tuition fees are.

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