Education

Halfwit actress’ website may not be the best source of medical advice, says shock report

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A website filled with the wittering voices in Gwyneth Paltrow’s head may not be a better source of health advice than an actual qualified doctor, according to shock claims made today.

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Everyone mentally converting GCSE numbers into proper grades

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As the first set of GCSE results based on the 1-9 scoring system are released, everyone is busy converting them in their heads into the format they actually understand.

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Teenagers set to receive first in lifelong series of soul-crushing disappointments

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Across the country, teenagers are set to collect their GCSE results and are girding themselves for the first in a long line of desperate, soul-crushing disappointments.

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Daily Mail celebrates ‘Barely legal sexy girls getting exam results’ day

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The Daily Mail is today celebrating the one day of the year where they can ask attractive eighteen-year-old girls to pose for photos without feeling at all seedy because it is A-Level results day.

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Scottish baby boxes to come pre-filled with cans of Irn-Bru and Greggs steak slices

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Every family with a new baby in Scotland will get a box containing an Xbox, two cans of Irn-Bru and a Greggs sausage roll in a new scheme being rolled out this week.

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Parents keen for counterfeiters to have a go at making school uniforms

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Hard-up parents have invited counterfeiting gangs to have a go at creating knock-off versions of school uniforms that might actually be affordable.

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‘I’m bored’ declares child on first day of school holiday

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11-year-old Jack Williams has declared that he is bored just 80 minutes into the school summer holidays.

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Why should anyone benefit from something they haven’t paid for, asks MP with house paid for by you

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Michael Gove has insisted it is unfair to expect to benefit from something you haven’t paid for, before returning to a house delightfully furnished at your expense.

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John McDonnell wraps his words in inflammatory cladding

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The Shadow Chancellor has been accused of using ‘inflammatory cladding’ to make his speeches look better to nearby middle-class supporters this morning.

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‘The Canary’ website wins Booker Prize for fiction

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Popular clickbait site ‘The Canary’ has been awarded the 2017 Booker Prize for Fiction.

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