Education

Conspiracy theorists claim ‘maths’ a tool of the illuminati

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Reacting to the news that it has been mathematically proven most conspiracy theories are a load of pony and trap, theorists have added mathematicians to the ever-growing list of people controlled by the New World Order.

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Man says he’s not very good at maths like it’s something to be proud of

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Local man Simon Williams is happy to tell people he’s hopeless at maths as if he expects people to be impressed by that.

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Everything bad in my life can be traced to poor A-Level results, man tells students

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Not getting the A-Level results he wanted was the catalyst which led to the miserable existence currently endured by former student Simon Williams, according to reports this morning.

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Scrapping of maintenance grants denies thousands access to worthless qualifications

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Maintenance grants for the poorest students were scrapped today, denying thousands of young people the opportunity to receive a worthless university degree.

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Women should be in the kitchen, says man who lives in mum’s basement

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A man who lives in his parent’s basement has insisted women should be in the kitchen.

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More than 50% of people on Internet comments threads fail the Turing test

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It’s impossible to tell the difference between most people on the Internet and a very sweary robot, researchers have confirmed.

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Prince George to be put to work cleaning chimneys

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Prince George is to enter the world of work by taking a part-time role cleaning chimneys to earn pocket money.

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New study finds most minions quotes actually ‘by Hitler’

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More than 80% of uplifting and amusing quotes on minion memes are actually by Hitler, according to a study published today.

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Chilcot two weeks too late reminding Britain not to act on dodgy intelligence and no plan

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The Chilcot report has reminded Britain not to rush into anything based on dodgy intelligence and without a backup plan, but about two weeks too late.

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Banksy-inspired child draws cock on desk

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A school child has taken the message left by Banksy to heart and expressed himself through the medium of satirical artwork.

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