Education

‘I’m bored’ declares child on first day of school holiday

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11-year-old Jack Williams has declared that he is bored just 80 minutes into the school summer holidays.

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Why should anyone benefit from something they haven’t paid for, asks MP with house paid for by you

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Michael Gove has insisted it is unfair to expect to benefit from something you haven’t paid for, before returning to a house delightfully furnished at your expense.

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John McDonnell wraps his words in inflammatory cladding

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The Shadow Chancellor has been accused of using ‘inflammatory cladding’ to make his speeches look better to nearby middle-class supporters this morning.

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‘The Canary’ website wins Booker Prize for fiction

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Popular clickbait site ‘The Canary’ has been awarded the 2017 Booker Prize for Fiction.

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Everyone suddenly an expert on Northern Ireland

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Absolutely everyone on the British mainland is suddenly an expert on Northern Irish politics, it has emerged today.

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Donald Trump challenges Sadiq Khan to interl…intulek…intelly… cleverness test

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Donald Trump has challenged the Mayor of London to take an inteler…intylig…cleverness test.

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Man who lives nowhere near London knows exactly what to do

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Internet expert Simon Williams has spent hours angrily shouting about how to deal with London despite never having been near the place in his life.

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‘Covfefe’ is a real word and stays on the triple word score, insists Trump

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‘Covfefe’ is a real word and it isn’t getting moved from the triple word score, Donald Trump has told White House staffers today.

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Pupils left reeling by shocking reports of teacher seen outside of school

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The schoolchildren of St Simon’s Primary school in Uttoxeter were stunned by the news that Miss Williams, form tutor for Year 5, was spotted in the Fox and Hounds pub on Sunday.

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Conservative election manifesto actually the Necronomicon

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An eldritch tome of unholy secrets written by an insane medieval prophet has been launched to sweep the Conservatives into government this morning.

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