Education

Future school shooter learning plenty from school shooting drills

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Nobody is benefiting more from American school shooting drills than the school shooters of tomorrow.

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Less people than ever understand the difference between ‘less’ and ‘fewer’

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A recent study has shown that there are less people than ever who understand the difference between ‘less’ and ‘fewer’.

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Invention of burger-flipping robot threatens social sciences graduates with unemployment

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Social Sciences graduates face mass unemployment after a robot which can flip burgers was unveiled yesterday.

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Teachers with machetes could solve knife crime in schools, insists Theresa May

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Theresa May has said that giving teachers machetes could prevent knife crime in schools.

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Teachers will definitely run in where trained security guards fear to tread, insists NRA

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Teachers will definitely channel their inner Rambo in a situation a trained security guard didn’t fancy, according to the NRA this morning.

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Liberal snowflake students going on and on about not wanting to be shot to death at school

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Florida students are using any opportunity possible to go on and on about not wanting to be shot to death while at school, according to trusted media sources today. Just seven days after 17 people were killed by an assault rifle at a Florida school, students from the campus are wasting no opportunity in calling […]

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National Rifle Association calls for ban on ‘schools’

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After further shootings at a US school, the National Rifle Association has insisted that the only way to prevent further tragedies of this nature is to finally implement a ban ‘schools’.

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90s Maths teacher forced to apologise for repeatedly saying ‘You won’t always have a calculator’

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A maths teacher is to apologise for defrauding the students he taught during the mid-1990s.

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Toby Young hopes ‘cracking knockers’ will be on show at freshers’ week, say friends

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Toby Young is hoping cracking ‘knockers’ will be flaunted at universities during freshers’ week later this year, friends have revealed.

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Toby Young is world’s foremost expert at insulting students, explains Jo Johnson

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The Minister for Universities defended the controversial decision to appoint Toby Young, an abrasive right-wing pundit, to the newly created University Watchdog.

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