Education

Hogwarts ordered to take more Muggle students to meet inclusivity targets

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Hogwarts School has been ordered to take more Muggle students or risk losing its charitable status.

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Night sky lambasted for looking ‘too Islamic’

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After a clear night over Britain, the night sky has attracted strong criticism for featuring symbols of Islam, such as a star and a crescent moon.

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December 2015 wakes up in the shower

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In a stunning last-minute plot twist, December 2015 has woken up in the shower revealing everything that happened in the last 12 months to have been just a dream.

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Man has no idea what the word ‘legend’ actually means

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A man’s use of the word ‘legend’ to describe his friends, his partners cat, his motorbike and now Christmas indicates he hasn’t a clue what it means.

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Elf on a Shelf returns to the sewers

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With Christmas over, Elf on a Shelf has returned to terrorising children from the sewers.

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OFSTED seek to place Electoral College in ‘special measures’

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In a surprise move, the Chief Inspector of Schools, Sir Michael Wilshaw, has entered into the post-Presidential Election debate by claiming that the US Electoral College should be placed in “Special Measures”.

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Post-Brexit nativity chaos as Joseph and Mary told to ‘fuck off back to Nazareth’

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A primary school nativity play has ended in chaos after the innkeeper told Mary and Joseph to ‘fuck off back to Nazareth’.

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Gap between rich and poor students winning university places almost wide enough, admit Tories

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With the gap between rich and poor students entering university at a record high, the government has welcomed the news by saying there is still a bit of work to be done.

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Tickets for school nativity play only available via Ticketmaster

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Parents up and down the country have expressed outrage after Ticketmaster secured the exclusive rights to sell tickets to all of this year’s school nativity plays.

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Grayson Perry fails to win Turner Prize after turning up to awards ceremony in a suit

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Grayson Perry did not win this year’s Turner Prize because he failed to turn up at the ceremony dressed like Widow Twankey, judges have revealed.

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