Education

Everyone pretending to understand physics

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Everyone is suddenly pretending to understand physics, according to reports this afternoon.

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School music classes to be replaced by office etiquette classes

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Britain’s schoolchildren are to be reminded that life is no fun whatsoever.

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Indian schools’ top excuse for late homework now ‘the Leopard ate it’

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Indian school children have been given a foolproof excuse for late homework after a Leopard ran amok in a Bangalore school.

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You should think for yourself and agree with me, insists conspiracy theorist without slightest trace of irony

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An Internet conspiracy theorist has insisted people should think for themselves and agree with him without the slightest trace of irony this morning.

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Ken doll to be given beergut and bald patch

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Barbie’s boyfriend Ken will be given a bald patch and a beergut in a move designed to give young boys a more realistic body image.

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Women in full face veils ‘must communicate via interpretative dance’ says OFSTED

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Muslim women must learn effective non-verbal communication methods if they are to cover their faces, according to OFSTED.

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Long-lost Beatrix Potter story completed by helpful mice

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A long-lost tale by Beatrix Potter left in the Victoria and Albert Museum for 100 years has been found completed by helpful mice.

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Darlington children ‘struggle to get parents ready for school’

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School kids in Darlington have revealed that they face a daily struggle to get their parents dressed and presentable for school.

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Some Labour policies date back as far as the Stone Age, say fairy tale researchers

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Researchers into fairy tales say that they have found the origins of Labour Party policies in folk tales dating back 4000-6000 years.

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Labour reshuffle to be dramatised by Samuel Beckett

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The Labour Party reshuffle is to be dramatised as a sequel to Waiting for Godot, it has been announced today.

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