Business

Donald Trump calls United Airlines ‘my kinda people’ after they forcibly dragged foreign-looking man off plane

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President Trump has been quick to herald United Airlines staff and security as ‘my kind of people’ after footage emerged online of an elderly foreign-looking doctor being violently thrown off a plane.

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United Airlines confirms that beatings will continue until volunteering improves

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United Airlines have confirmed that they are no longer troubled by overbooked flights in what they have renamed ‘Club Class’.

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Wonga customers better off in the long run if hackers just take all their money now, confirm experts

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Customers of the payday lender who have been left vulnerable to cyber-attacks after a data breach have been told they will be better off if the hackers just take all their money now and be done with it.

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New evidence of banking corruption will be ignored without delay, pledges Government

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The Government has pledged to immediately ignore new evidence that implicates board-level bankers and the Bank of England in the Libor-fixing scandal.

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UK signs lucrative new deal to supply Saudi Arabia with dunking stools, stretching racks and iron maidens

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The UK has announced a lucrative new deal to supply Saudi Arabia with dunking stools, stretching racks, iron maidens (not the band), and anything else that went in the skip following the London Dungeon’s move to the South Bank.

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Theresa May furious about Easter Eggs while visiting country where blasphemers are beheaded

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Theresa May has spoken of her outrage that the word ‘Easter’ has been removed from posters for an Easter Egg Hunt while taking time out from a busy trip getting chummy with people who behead people found guilty of blasphemy.

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Church of England accused of airbrushing Jesus into history

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The Church of England has been accused by confectioners of airbrushing a fictional superhero with magic powers into the country’s history.

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Woman working at home unsure of acceptable time to start drinking

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A woman who recently worked at home was unsure of what time it would be acceptable to enjoy the first glass of wine of the day.

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Thanks for all the free publicity, says Daily Mail

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The owners of the Daily Mail are delighted by all the free publicity they’ve got from furious Internet users today.

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‘Hidden feature’ of new pound coin revealed to be that it’s now only worth 82p

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The Royal Mint has ended speculation about the ‘hidden feature’ of the new pound coin by revealing that it’s the fact that since the Brexit referendum it’s now only worth 82p.

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