Business

Lloyds of London record epic diss track in response to Kanye West lawsuit

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Lloyds of London have responded to a lawsuit issued by Kanye West in the time-honoured tradition of the venerable financial institution; by throwing down fierce rhymes over epic beats in what is thought to be the most devastating diss track to come out of the London Square Mile in years.

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Martin Shkreli made bookies’ favourite to be new White House Communications Director

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Fresh from being found guilty of multiple counts of fraud, Martin Shkreli is rumoured to have been offered the job as Donald Trump’s new Director of Communications.

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Vigils held and concerts planned to protest Martin Shkreli guilty verdict

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All over the world, people have put a single lit candle in their window or joined silent marches in solidarity with the man affectionately dubbed “Pharma Bro”.

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You could try masturbating to keep warm this winter, advises Ofgem

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Ofgem has suggested that those concerned about fuel bills this winter should try masturbating to keep warm.

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British Gas increase piss-taking by 12.5%

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British Gas is to increase taking the piss out of its customers by 12.5% with other utility companies expected to follow suit.

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Our prices are yet to reflect the utter contempt we have for you, warns British Gas

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British Gas has warned that despite a 12.5% hike, their current prices do not fully reflect the contempt with which they hold their customers, advising them to expect another big fat hike to redress the situation.

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Cinema staff couldn’t give a shit about the food you’ve “snuck” in

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The weekend staff of your local cinema aren’t about to tackle you for bringing in food.

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Employers failing to embrace National Orgasm Day

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Companies across the country are failing to embrace National Orgasm Day, according to workers prevented from masturbating at their desks.

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Sunday Times claims it never suspected hiring holocaust denier might lead to antisemitic articles

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The Sunday Times has sacked columnist Kevin Myers after insisting it was a complete shock to learn that hiring a holocaust denier could lead to the publication of antisemitic articles.

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New electric Mini actually a giant Scalextric car

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BMW is releasing a car that you will drive by squeezing a trigger and hoping for the best.

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