Business

Starbucks to mark International Coffee Day by actually spelling your name correctly

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For the first time ever you will not have a bizarre variant of your name lazily scrawled on your takeaway coffee, Starbucks has confirmed today.

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Wonga declares £65m loss after accidentally borrowing a fiver from itself

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Legitimised loan-shark Wonga has declared a substantial loss after someone in the expenses department pressed the wrong button and borrowed a fiver six months ago.

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Ryanair plane spotted actually in air

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The flight industry was left stunned after reports emerged that a Ryanair plane had been spotted actually in the air, leading to the staggering conclusion that they must have been able to organise flying a plane from one place to another.

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Consumers warned against black market ‘street’ Jaffa Cakes after McVities cut size of a pack

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A reduction in the number in a box announced by McVities has created a black market in cut-price ‘street’ Jaffa Cakes, we can reveal.

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Ryanair asks Uber drivers if they’d like to try flying a plane

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Ryanair boss, Michael O’ Leary, is seeking to recruit newly-unemployed Uber drivers with a head for heights, it has emerged.

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Uber to ‘take back control’ by negotiating deals with each individual Londoner

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Ride-sharing service Uber has claimed it will be taking back control of its destiny by negotiating deals with individual Londoners, after losing its deal with TfL.

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Londoners busy marking themselves as ‘safe’ after devastating Uber loss

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Uber users across the capital have been taking to social media to mark themselves as ‘safe’ after being subject to the devastating removal of Uber’s licence to operate.

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Random men picking you up in banged-up cars not good enough for snooty London

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Uber has been denied its license renewal by Transport for London, despite Londoners craving danger when using the capital’s transport infrastructure.

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Banks to help track migrants by reporting suspicious foreign behaviour like saving money

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British banks have been ordered to go over 70 million accounts and report any un-British activity like managing finances sensibly. 

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Michael O’Leary promises to fly some Ryanair planes to prove it’s proper easy

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Ryanair chief Michael O’Leary has promised to fly a Boeing 737 out of Heathrow to prove to lazy pilots that any old sod can do it.

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