Business

Southern Rail to replace carriages with skips on wheels

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Southern Rail is to push forward with a controversial new cost-saving exercise and replacing the traditional train carriage with some old skips on wheels.

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Tesco customers advised to wear dressing gowns as well as pyjamas in cold weather

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Tesco shoppers have been advised to protect themselves in the cold snap by wearing slippers and a dressing gown as well as their pyjamas.

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White Witch of Narnia appointed Governor of the Bank of England

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The White Witch of Narnia has been appointed Governor of the Bank of England after predicting the weather would be always winter and never Christmas based on a one-week sample last November.

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Man who had twelve days off work in need of retraining

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Office worker Simon Williams has spent the morning staring blankly at his computer after forgetting what his job entails during the Christmas and New Year break.

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Donald Trump to prevent automation of jobs by deporting robots to Mexico

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President-elect Donald Trump has pledged to prevent American jobs being automated by deporting robots to Mexico.

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CEOs would take rest of the year off if they could stomach your pathetic lifestyle

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After reports that leading CEOs had earned your yearly wage by yesterday afternoon, it was revealed they could take the rest of the year off if only they could stomach living like you.

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Bastards call for end to office ‘cake culture’

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Bastards have criticised ‘workplace cake culture’ saying it contributes to being happy and making work tolerable.

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Email from CEO about ‘successful year’ makes up for no pay rise, confirm employees

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Employees at a multinational corporation who won’t be receiving a pay rise in 2017, have been buoyed by an email from the CEO thanking them for their contribution to the company’s continued success.

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Everyone struggling to cope without Prosecco and Quality Street for breakfast

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The first day back to work for people after Christmas has proven difficult due to many businesses in the country frowning on employees breakfasting on a glass of prosecco and a handful of Quality Street.

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December 2015 wakes up in the shower

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In a stunning last-minute plot twist, December 2015 has woken up in the shower revealing everything that happened in the last 12 months to have been just a dream.

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