Business

Nike placates protesters with their new line of ‘Air Trumps’

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Nike has released a line of footwear to address mass protests against their sponsorship of NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

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Burning your Nike trainers in protest ‘a great way to get out of going running’

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Local Man Simon Williams has used the outcry over Nike’s latest advert as an excuse to burn his trainers so he doesn’t have to go running any more.

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‘Is any child safe online?’ asks Daily Mail, as web team upload photos of celebrity child in bikini

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The Internet publishing team at the Daily Mail are refusing to let their own front page story about child grooming overshadow a cracking photo of Harper Beckham in a bikini.

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End of school holidays sees ‘working from home’ become pleasant again

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The ability to respond to a few emails while watching TV is once again an available option for home workers who have been surrounded by screaming children for the last six weeks.

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Wonga close to collapse after accidentally borrowing a fiver from itself

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Legitimised loan-shark Wonga is on the brink of collapse after someone in the expenses department pressed the wrong button and borrowed a fiver six months ago.

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Nike denies new line of machetes is designed to appeal to gang members

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Following the furore over its £60 pound balaclava, the famous sporting goods company has been at the centre of another tabloid outrage recently as many campaigners accused the new Street Kings line of garden accessories of promoting violence.

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We’d donate money for a new Brexit vote too but we’re only on 28p per hour, say Superdry factory workers

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Superdry employees in India have expressed regret that they can’t match their co-founders one million pound donation towards a new Brexit vote, blaming an unfortunate lack of personal spare cash lying around.

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Boss doesn’t seem to understand that work is futile and meaningless

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A man’s line manager insists on taking work very seriously and displays a total lack of appreciation of how pointless and without consequence it all is.

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‘We don’t activate your room keycards on purpose’ admit mischievous hotel staff

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Hotel front desk personnel have admitted that they find it absolutely fucking hilarious when you have to trek all the way back from your room because your key card isn’t working.

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Man astonished to discover some crisps in a packet of Walkers

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A man who opened a standard-sized bag of Walkers was ‘astonished’ to discover there were actually some fucking crisps in it for once.

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