Business

Mark Zuckerberg hospitalised after dangerously prolonged laughing fit following ICO fine

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One of Silicon Valley’s most illustrious entrepreneurs suffered a collapsed lung and two fractured ribs after the announcement of the Information Commissioner’s Office fine of £500K led the billionaire to collapse on the floor in a fit of prolonged hysterical laughter.

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Updated Sunday Times rich-list is ‘mostly ice-cream men’

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Britain’s ice cream men are suddenly absolutely minted.

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Loathsome EU bastards insist on giving British holidaymakers even more protection

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Meddling eurocrats are seeking to ensure British consumers are protected when they book package holidays in the latest display of their frightening power.

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Hot weather lettuce shortage ‘just the tip of the Iceberg’, claim experts

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The current hot weather-induced lettuce crisis is really just the tip of the Iceberg, according to experts and half-arsed online satirists. As temperatures hit thirty degrees in many parts of the UK, lettuce growers admitted the heatwave could spell the endive the line for the popular veg. Green veg expert, Simon Williams, said, “For farmers […]

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Arm journalists, insists Donald Trump

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In the wake of yet another mass shooting in the US, the President has suggested that members of the press be routinely armed in an effort to save lives.

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Waitrose to attract other socio-economic groups by re-branding as ‘WIDL’

Following the issue of a profit warning this week by the John Lewis Partnership, the decision has been made to re-brand Waitrose to appeal to a greater number of regular people.

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Tabloid editors struggle to merge crap puns about Hitler and eating dogs

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The surprise defeat of Germany by South Korea has left Fleet Street’s finest at a loss on how to mix two differing crude stereotypes that are rarely, if ever, on the same page.

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Cabinet crisis as PM hesitantly frowns at Boris Johnson over ‘f*ck business’ remark

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Westminster observers have been speculating that the Foreign Secretary’s gaffes have finally caught up with him after his insulting comments alienated the whole entire community and prompted an unprecedented display of mild irritation from Theresa May.

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Everyone allowed to go to work in their pants this week

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Employers all over the UK are letting staff come to work in their underwear during this week’s heatwave.

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If Airbus leaves the UK we’ll just go back to making Spitfires, insists Brexiter

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A threat to move operations from the UK to inside the EU by aerospace company Airbus has been welcomed as an opportunity to get back to the golden years of great British plane manufacturing.

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