Business

Southern Trains are always late because they’re soft, insist Northerners

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Southern trains are always late because they’re soft, Northerners have said today.

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Everyone’s a f**king economist now

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Following Theresa May’s speech on Brexit, the entire British population is a f**king economist now.

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Boost for baking industry as Brexit plan calls for nation to have cake and eat it

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Theresa May’s plans for Brexit have caused controversy across the country, but there’s one group who are looking forward to a considerable boost in their fortunes.

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Dieters told the most effective weight-loss method remains Photoshop

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The easiest way to lose weight and keep it off is with photoshop, according to a report published today.

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Pound falls on reports of Brexit plans to relocate Great Britain to Pacific Ocean

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The pound has hit its lowest level in three months amid reports that Theresa May will outline plans to physically pull Great Britain out of Europe and relocate it in the Pacific Ocean, just to the south of Hawaii.

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Super Mario dropped by Check-a-Trade after failing to complete a single plumbing job

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So-called ‘plumber’ Super Mario has today been dropped by the Check-a-trade business directory after thousands of complaints by customers that they are still waiting for their plumbing work to be done.

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Monster Munch actually shaped like the head of Cthulhu, confirm Walkers

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Walkers crisps have ended speculation on what Monster Munch are supposed to be shaped like by confirming they’re actually the head of their demonic master Cthulhu.

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Loft conversion salesman ‘bitterly disappointed’ by response from Mr Rochester

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Loft conversion salesman Simon Williams is deeply disappointed by the response he got from local Landowner Edward Rochester today.

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Obama could still take our guns off us until next week, right? ask midwesterners

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Smart firearm owners aren’t letting their guard down until they’re sure Obama has gone.

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Donald Trump appoints Hostess Cake as top advisor

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Donald Trump has appointed a Hostess Cake to a senior advisory position today, saying it looks ‘perfect for the role’.

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