Business

Pandas given survival lifeline as scientists discover they are delicious

Thumbnail image for Pandas given survival lifeline as scientists discover they are delicious

Pandas could become a common sight on farms across the world after scientists discovered just how tasty they are.

Read the full article →

Fracking industry demands cute little girl with pigtails as regulator

Thumbnail image for Fracking industry demands cute little girl with pigtails as regulator

Representatives from the UK fracking industry have called the current regulatory system ‘complex and relatively unapproachable’, demanding a new one led by a cute little girl with pigtails.

Read the full article →

Castlemaine XXXX to be relaunched as a Heritage Ale for hipsters

Thumbnail image for Castlemaine XXXX to be relaunched as a Heritage Ale for hipsters

Popular 80’s lager Castlemaine XXXX is to be relaunched as a ‘Heritage Ale’ aimed at clueless hipsters, it is reported today.

Read the full article →

Club 18-30 to scrap its package holidays to Syria

Thumbnail image for Club 18-30 to scrap its package holidays to Syria

Club 18-30 has announced that it will no longer offer its popular Syria packages.

Read the full article →

Massive queues reported for Tesco bananas containing ‘four hour erection’ spider

Thumbnail image for Massive queues reported for Tesco bananas containing ‘four hour erection’ spider

After Tesco confirmed a batch of their bananas contained a spider whose bite is capable of giving a man a four-hour erection, queues began forming around stores everywhere.

Read the full article →

Costa Coffee to offer budget high-strength alcohol and fights

Thumbnail image for Costa Coffee to offer budget high-strength alcohol and fights

Costa Coffee will attempt to cash in on Wetherspoons’ market share by offering punters the chance to get their heads kicked in.

Read the full article →

‘Just start your own train company’ Osborne tells commuters

Thumbnail image for ‘Just start your own train company’ Osborne tells commuters

George Osborne has joined the debate surrounding the shocking state of commuter services in the south of England by telling commuters to start their own train firms.

Read the full article →

Lagoon power stations would drastically reduce opportunities for foreign invasions, warns Tony Blair

Thumbnail image for Lagoon power stations would drastically reduce opportunities for foreign invasions, warns Tony Blair

Being reliant on nothing more than your own coastline for your power needs would drastically reduce the incentives for foreign invasions, Tony Blair has warned this morning.

Read the full article →

Trade Descriptions Act forces ‘Gentlemen’s Clubs’ to be renamed ‘Tosser Shacks’

Thumbnail image for Trade Descriptions Act forces ‘Gentlemen’s Clubs’ to be renamed ‘Tosser Shacks’

As of midnight on March 31st, strip clubs will no longer be allowed to refer to themselves as ‘Gentlemen’s clubs’, as it is a clear violation of the Trade Descriptions Act.

Read the full article →

Telemarketing firms pretending to be out when regulators call

Thumbnail image for Telemarketing firms pretending to be out when regulators call

Cold call telemarketers are pretending not to be in when regulators ring them, according to reports this morning.

Read the full article →