Business

Attempt to distract British public with BBC salary revelations ‘a resounding success’, claim bastards

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Ruthless bastards at all levels of the British power structure have rejoiced at how well yesterday’s disclosures diverted the public’s attention from things that matter.

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Multi-millionaire Daily Mail editor directs public anger towards BBC stars who earn fraction of his salary

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The editor of the Daily Mail has decided that public anger is best directed towards talented BBC stars rather than peddlers of lies and hatred in the printed media.

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Call centre employee treated for shock after man admits to being in an accident that wasn’t their fault

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A call centre employee was treated for shock yesterday after someone they’d cold-called admitted that they had been involved in an accident that wasn’t their fault.

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Ten-year colleagues still quite happy not knowing each other’s names

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Two people who have worked together for ten years still refer to each other solely as “mate”.

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Ducks to sue Apple over ‘defamatory’ autocorrect function

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Ducks have launched a class-action suit against the Apple iPhone, claiming consistent and long-standing defamation by their autocorrect function.

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Iceberg now free to negotiate trade deals with the entire world

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An iceberg the size of Wales which broke away from Antarctica today is keen to pursue a trade deal with South Georgia, it has announced.

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‘Cash in hand’ economy definitely best place to look for tax avoidance, insist multinational corporations

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Billion dollar companies doing business in the UK have today backed calls for the government to try and raise more tax revenue from the guy you pay to clean your windows.

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UK can have ‘very quick trade deal’ promises man who said he’d have plan to beat ISIS in 90 days

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Donald Trump has promised the UK a quick trade deal after Brexit, and we should all definitely believe him when he says that.

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Protesters at G20 confident they will influence the course of global affairs by rioting

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Violent political activists remain steadfast in their belief that smashing shop windows and lobbing bricks at the police is the best way to get world leaders to forget their own political agendas and work for the common good.

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Every single advert on woman’s Facebook feed for something completely shit

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Every single advert Facebook has automatically selected for one of their female users has been for complete shit today.

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