Business

LinkedIn now 100% dickhead

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LinkedIn has become the world’s first 100% dickhead social network after a pleasant man called Kevin finally worked out how to delete his account.

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Littlehampton branch of Wimpy misses out on Good Food Guide restaurant of the year yet again

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There was disappointment in Littlehampton as their Wimpy restaurant on the High Street missed out being named the Good Food Guide restaurant of the year yet again.

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Walnut Whips to be renamed Brexit Whips

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Walnut Whips are to be rebranded to indicate their impoverished nut-free status.

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Co-worker inexplicably thinks you’re interested in hearing about their commute

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A man whose commute takes him through London Waterloo seems to think you’re interested in hearing all about it today.

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‘No pun intended’ man finally confesses that pun was deliberate

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A man has confessed that he did actually intend to make a pun, despite claiming that there was ‘no pun intended’.

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Regulated rail fares to rise from ‘Outrageous’ to ‘Exorbitant’

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Thanks to rising inflation rail fares will rise by up to 3.6% in the new year, elevating current prices from ‘outrageous’ to ‘exorbitant’.

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Primark actually pronounced ‘Child-labour-mark’

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Primark has settled the debate over how to pronounce their name once and for all.

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Nuclear War ‘might hit house prices’, warns report

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Global Thermonuclear War might push homeowners across the South of England into negative equity, reports have warned today.

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We tried to give you our corporation tax but no-one was in to sign for it, insist Amazon

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Amazon has claimed that they were unable to give the UK treasury their full payment of corporation tax as no-one was in to receive it, according to reports.

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Lloyds of London record epic diss track in response to Kanye West lawsuit

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Lloyds of London have responded to a lawsuit issued by Kanye West in the time-honoured tradition of the venerable financial institution; by throwing down fierce rhymes over epic beats in what is thought to be the most devastating diss track to come out of the London Square Mile in years.

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