Business

Byron Burgers plead ignorance in hiring Mickey Mouse, Batman and Keyser Söze

Thumbnail image for Byron Burgers plead ignorance in hiring Mickey Mouse, Batman and Keyser Söze

Byron Burgers have insisted they are not guilty of any wrongdoing after they hired workers apparently from the world of film, television and cartoons.

Read the full article →

Elderly to be given to Professor Willow and turned into Werther’s Originals

Thumbnail image for Elderly to be given to Professor Willow and turned into Werther’s Originals

Old people are to be handed over to Professor Willow and turned into candy in a major shakeup of the care system.

Read the full article →

Muslim distillery to introduce sharia-compliant Halal-cohol

Thumbnail image for Muslim distillery to introduce sharia-compliant Halal-cohol

The world’s first Muslim distillery is to introduce Sharia-compliant ‘Halal-cohol’ strong drink, we can report.

Read the full article →

Southern Rail to replace conductors with panthers

Thumbnail image for Southern Rail to replace conductors with panthers

In a move that is sure to further enrage many passengers, beleaguered train company Southern Rail have announced that they will be replacing all conductors on trains with wild panthers.

Read the full article →

Sir Philip Green branded ‘the unacceptable face’

Thumbnail image for Sir Philip Green branded ‘the unacceptable face’

A damning parliamentary inquiry has branded businessman Sir Philip Green ‘the unacceptable face’.

Read the full article →

Cashpoints to add ‘double or quits’ function

Thumbnail image for Cashpoints to add ‘double or quits’ function

Bank hole-in-the-wall machines are to feature a ‘double or quits’ function to add a bit of excitement to your weekly shop, they have announced.

Read the full article →

Brexiter annoyed by people pointing out that thing they were told would happen ‘is happening’

Thumbnail image for Brexiter annoyed by people pointing out that thing they were told would happen ‘is happening’

Brexit supporters are furious that people keep pointing out that the thing they were told would happen if we voted to leave the EU are now actually happening.

Read the full article →

“Well, exports are up!” screams Brexiter

Thumbnail image for “Well, exports are up!” screams Brexiter

Britain’s economic activity has sunk to its lowest level since 2009 but everything is still brilliant, apparently.

Read the full article →

‘The media’ reported it you just didn’t bother looking, morons told

Thumbnail image for ‘The media’ reported it you just didn’t bother looking, morons told

People who share clickbait stories featuring the words “And the media aren’t reporting it!” are too lazy and stupid to use Google for ten seconds to see if that’s true, according to a story the media won’t report.

Read the full article →

Oliver Twist sacked by Sports Direct after asking for more

Thumbnail image for Oliver Twist sacked by Sports Direct after asking for more

Photogenic orphan Oliver Twist has been sacked by Sports Direct after foolishly asking for more.

Read the full article →