Business

Daily Mail staff turn off their Fisher Price computers after another busy week of entirely factual journalism

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Staff at the Daily Mail are currently turning off their colourful toy computers after another week of distributing facts like they’re going out of fashion.

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UK to organise its own city of culture, with blackjack and hookers

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Getting thrown out of the European City of Culture competition has not blunted traditional British resolve.

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Amazon Black Friday deals all crap shocker

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Amazon is devoting a huge two-week ‘Black Friday’ sale to trying to unload all the crap you wouldn’t buy any other time, according to their emails today.

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Donald Trump launches tirade against Black Friday after mistaking it for act of mass civil disobedience

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Donald Trump took to Twitter today to condemn an annual cut-price shopping event, believing it to be a nationwide protest co-ordinated by minority groups he’s not particularly fond of.

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Stationery store Paperchase experiences 0% fall in sales, following boycott by Daily Mail readers

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Popular stationery outlet Paperchase has confirmed a fall in sales of precisely 0%, following a boycott by Daily Mail readers.

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Brexit divorce bill to be paid in coppers

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Britain will pay more than the offered £18bn but it’ll all be in 1 and 2p pieces, government sources say.

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Walkers pledge to increase number of crisps in a bag from three to four

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Bags of Walkers crisps are set to get 33% bigger after the food company pledged to put four in a bag rather than the current three.

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Twitter to replace blue tick with ‘punch’ icon on Nazi accounts

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Accounts which break their terms of service will have their blue tick replaced with a ‘punch’ icon, Twitter has confirmed today.

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Seasonal Affective Disorder more punctual than Southern Rail

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Your Seasonal Affective Disorder has arrived bang on time yet again, putting to shame those organisations that work to an official timetable.

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Daily Telegraph truly sorry that powerful white people received death threats because of front page

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Senior staff at the broadsheet issued an unqualified apology yesterday as their front page labelling of Remain Tory MPs as ‘mutineers’, led to several death threats and the named politicians having to contact the heavily armed policemen that guard their workplace.

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