Business

Britain’s coffee fans happy to drink any old shit, finds new study

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British coffee drinkers can’t get enough of iced coffee drinks laced with human faeces, a study has found.

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Google fined a record two ‘DUP confidence and supply agreements’ by EU

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Google have been fined a record two DUP confidence and supply agreements by the EU for distorting the online shopping market.

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Tories agree £1bn deal with DUP after finally locating elusive magic money tree

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A magical tree on which government money grows has miraculously been found in time to secure a deal with the DUP, a government spokesperson has confirmed.

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John McDonnell wraps his words in inflammatory cladding

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The Shadow Chancellor has been accused of using ‘inflammatory cladding’ to make his speeches look better to nearby middle-class supporters this morning.

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People behind Grenfell Tower refurbishment delighted to see nation turn on Hotpoint

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The businesses and politicians involved in the refurbishment of Grenfell Tower are today delighted to see the nation’s anger being directed at people who make kitchen appliances.

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“Going to Meadowhall” recognised as Yorkshire’s national sport

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“Going to Medder’all” has supplanted cricket as the national sport of Yorkshire, according to reports this weekend.

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Value of human life plummets against the pound

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The value of human life has plummeted against the pound following reports that government ministers failed to act on expert warnings about inadequate fire safety rules.

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‘The Canary’ website wins Booker Prize for fiction

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Popular clickbait site ‘The Canary’ has been awarded the 2017 Booker Prize for Fiction.

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Daily Mail praises Theresa May for teaming up with right kind of terrorist sympathisers

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The Daily Mail has expressed admiration for Theresa May for getting some right dodgy bastards to help her out.

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Ready when you are, EU tells Britain

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The clock is ticking, the EU has gently reminded Britain today.

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