Gun reform protest Florida high school students

Florida students are using any opportunity possible to go on and on about not wanting to be shot to death while at school, according to trusted media sources today.

Just seven days after 17 people were killed by an assault rifle at a Florida school, students from the campus are wasting no opportunity in calling for draconian steps that might reduce the chances of them being murdered in a classroom.

“Such snowflakes,” explained one media commentator and YouTube film-maker.

“God, you’d think something bad had happened the way they’re going on and on about it.  We get it okay, you nearly got shot to death at school. Big deal. Emphasis on the nearly.

“You don’t see the kids who were actually killed going on about it, so I don’t see why these kids should be given any airtime at all. It was a week ago, get over it.

“They’re probably just trying to get a book deal for when they graduate. It’s not like they could have any other possible reason for repeatedly calling for gun reform whenever anyone puts a microphone in front of their face.”

Fox News has sent investigative reporters to look into the whining students and discovered that yes, they are in fact, utter snowflakes.

Correspondent Chuck Williams explained, “The children of Marjory Stoneman Douglas school would love nothing more than to complete their education without the fear of being shot to pieces by a high-powered assault rifle while they learn – and it appears they are willing to do anything to get what they want.

“These relentless children will stop at nothing until they get to enjoy a safe learning environment, and that should terrify every God-fearing Conservative American citizen.

“Thank God we’re all armed well enough to protect ourselves from such harmful ideas.”

fat man getting speeding ticket

A man has adjusted his top to give the female police officer who just stopped him a better look at his moobs today.

Pulling down his v-neck, Simon Williams, who was doing 53 in a 30 zone, hopes that by giving the officer a bit of an eyeful he’ll be let off with just a caution.

“I know I was in the wrong, but with any luck showing some cleavage will help me out,” he told us, undoing the top two buttons on his shirt and brushing away some crumbs from his chest hair as she approached his car.

“I’ve seen this work in films where the cop stops a girl and she shows off her chest so it’s got to be worth a try, right?” he added, sliding an empty tray of chips under the passenger seat.

Licking his lips, Simon gave the officer a bashful, come-hither smile and polished off his can of Relentless to sharpen up his game.

When asked, PC Helen Lewis said she really doesn’t get paid enough for this shit.

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