Neil Tollfree

Nestle ‘take back control’ by sending hundreds of jobs to Europe

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Popular dismal chocolatiers Nestle have announced that they are ‘taking back control’ by moving three hundred jobs to Poland.

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Tim Farron also fine with light S&M, mutual masturbation, and threesomes

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Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron has confirmed that not only does he think that gay sex is definitely not a sin, but that he’s also perfectly fine with S&M, mutual masturbation, and threesomes.

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UKIP announce plans to broaden their racism

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UKIP have announced that they intend to broaden their party-political racism to encompass whole new swathes of society.

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Opposition parties demand farmyard animals be given the vote

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UK opposition parties have backed a call to enfranchise farmyard animals at the upcoming election.

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Ken Clarke denies that political success due to his sex-appeal

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Ex-Chancellor Ken Clarke has strongly denied that he has spent his life exploiting his sex appeal to advance in public life.

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Horror of General Election finally becomes apparent after Michael Gove appears on TV

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The genuine horror of another General Election campaign finally became apparent to millions of voters yesterday after Michael Gove appeared on the news.

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The Shire elects Saruman as new leader

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In a stunning turn of events, the hobbits of the Shire have elected Saruman as their new leader.

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Concern as stocks of bile and vitriol may be too low to sustain a General Election

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There are worries that current stocks of bile and vitriol in the UK may not be enough to sustain the population for the eight-week run-up to the general election.

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Vladimir Putin expecting to do well in UK election

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There is a degree of confidence coming from Moscow as Vladimir Putin is expecting to put in a very good showing in the upcoming UK election.

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Should older voters be made to take a test before retaining control of the country?

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Following a series of disastrous elections, the outcomes for which elderly voters have been largely responsible, many people are asking if older people should be made to take a test to prove they are still competent of exercising control of the country.

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