Neil Tollfree

British men still uncomfortable greeting people with a kiss

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A new report has revealed that the majority of British men are still uncomfortable with kissing hello and would rather return to the days when a brief, stiff, formal handshake was the only acceptable physical expression of greeting.

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Boris gives UN speech with penis poking out of trousers

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There was embarrassment at Number 10 this morning after it emerged that at April’s UN summit Boris Johnson gave a 40 minute speech without realising that his penis was poking out of the front of his trousers.

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Donald Trump grabs Pope by the pussy

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There were red faces in the Trump administration after it emerged that on meeting the Pope, the President of the United States attempted to grab him by the groin.

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Yes, I am a good boy, agrees dog

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After careful consideration, a dog has agreed with his owner’s assertion that he’s a good boy.

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Polite notice isn’t

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A notice claiming to be polite has been slammed today for being really quite abrupt and short.

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Daily Mail readers wank themselves to death during Pippa Middleton’s wedding

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There have been reports from across the nation of severe wanking injuries sustained by Daily Mail readers during Pippa Middleton’s wedding including, tragically, several deaths by wanking.

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Robert Mueller found bound, gagged, and shot in an alley behind Trump Tower

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Former FBI chief Robert Mueller’s hooded, bound corpse has been found alongside the trash behind Donald Trump’s skyscraper in New York.

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Scientologist condemns Tory supporters as ‘a bit creepy and gullible’

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A follower of the totally legitimate church of Scientology has condemned Tory supporters as ‘a bit creepy and gullible’.

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We need tough leadership for these tough times created by our tough leadership, say Tories

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The Tory manifesto will launch today with a promise to provide tough leadership for these tough times brought about by tough Tory leadership.

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Melania Trump phoning round removal companies in Washington

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First Lady Melania Trump is understood to be phoning round local removal companies.

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