Gary Stanton

Loathsome EU bastards determined to deprive hardworking Brits of dirty air

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Meddling eurocrats are seeking to clean the air inside the UK in the latest display of their frightening power.

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Actress preparing to say something to Bishop

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An actress is about to say something to a bishop, oo-er missus, it has emerged.

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Best way to combat antisemitism is by firing live rounds at unarmed kids, Israel confirms

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The most effective way of combating antisemitism in all its forms is by discharging your rifle into the head of a teenager and high-fiving a colleague, Israel has found.

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Give it a few weeks until the dickhead has gone, Iran told

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Don’t power up those centrifuges just yet because the fucking prick will probably be gone in a few weeks, world leaders have told Iran.

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Discarded Morrissey albums ‘a greater environmental catastrophe’ than plastic bottles

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Morrissey records thrown out in disgust by the general public are posing a greater hazard to the marine ecosystem than empty bottles of Fanta, it has emerged.

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Please resume your sick barbarism with conventional bombs, West tells Syria

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The Syrian regime is free to continue murdering innocents the conventional way now that we’ve had our little tantrum, Western powers today agreed.

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Jeremy Corbyn demands video-assisted refereeing for chemical weapon atrocities

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn believes new VAR technology could be used to apportion blame in the Syrian conflict.

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Syrian chemical attacks were Andrew Lloyd Webber stage production, claims Russia

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Russians who accused the British of “staging” the recent chemical attacks in Syria have pointed the finger at Andrew Lloyd Webber, according to reports.

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Will my local branch of Greggs survive a nuclear war, ask worried Britons

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With a thermonuclear war between the United States and Russia imminent, Britons have raised concerns about the viability of Greggs in an apocalyptic wasteland.

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Big Ben clock hands amputated in accordance with Sharia Law, insist UKIP activists

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Big Ben’s hands have been amputated in a clear example of creeping Sharia-style justice, insist deranged pricks and UKIP voters.

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