Gary Stanton

Google busy removing all traces of the European Union from history

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The EU has ceased to exist in any meaningful form after Google removed it from its search engines.

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Build bridges not walls says festival with massive security fence

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Glastonbury has become a torch-bearer for the free movement of people after erecting a massive fence to keep the hippies out.

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Dinosaurs deliberately left out of Queen’s speech

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Following negotiations between the Conservatives and the DUP, any reference to the dinosaurs will be carefully omitted from the forthcoming Queen’s speech.

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Tim Farron resigns to spend more time on homophobia and your uterus

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Tim Farron, who is the leader of the Liberal Democrat Party, has sensationally quit to take a much more rigid position on the gays.

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Everyone planning to vote Tory now that Michael Gove is back

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Theresa May has enjoyed a huge popularity surge after welcoming back one of the most loved politicians of recent times.

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Lame ducks angrily reject comparisons to Theresa May

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Ducks with severe mobility problems are furious with comparisons to the ‘incompetent Dalek-voiced hag in Downing Street’, this morning.

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Prick is taking his own f*cking biro to the polling station

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A fucking arsehole is guarding against electoral irregularities by taking his own biro to the polling booth.

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Attacking our democracy is perfectly fine when it’s electoral fraud, insist Tories

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There are perfectly acceptable ways to attack our fragile democracy without upsetting anybody, the Tories have claimed.

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Theresa May appoints Rolf Harris as Minister for Culture, Arts and Leisure

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Theresa May has appointed kiddies’ entertainer Rolf Harris as Minister for Arts in a move designed to keep him off the streets.

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Diane Abbott pledges Labour will upgrade hospital IT systems to Windows nine and three quarters

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Diane Abbott has pledged to upgrade the NHS’s existing IT systems to MS Windows 9.75 with sixty-twelve bits of RAM.

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