Gary Stanton

Aliens prepared to intervene over Irish backstop

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Creatures from another world are among the latest to suggest Theresa May’s Brexit plan is total wank, it has emerged.

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Ten more Johnson brothers to resign from government this week

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A further ten brothers of Boris Johnson are preparing to resign over Brexit, all of them blond, and all of them c*nts, it has emerged.

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Dominic Raab surprised to learn importance of toilet paper after attempting to wipe own arse

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Barely competent shit-hound, Dominic Raab, has been given the cold shoulder by cabinet colleagues after failing to realise the essential role toilet paper plays in maintaining anal hygiene.

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White House Journalist banned for touching woman’s arm by man who prefers full-on minge contact

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Journalist, Jim Acosta, is quietly wishing he’d been a bit more respectful towards women this morning after a bout of disgraceful arm contact resulted in him being barred from the White House.

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Britain’s racists left shocked as Bake Off winner fails to launch Jihad

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The ‘great’ British public were left speechless this morning after the brown winner of Bake Off spent his first day as the title holder without blowing anything up.

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Hard Brexit supporter, James Dyson, to build patriotic new car plant in nearby Singapore

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Brexit billionaire, James Dyson, has shown his true patriotic credentials by electing to build a new car plant in Singapore, a good eight thousand miles from his beloved UK homeland.

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Saudis insist first rule of Saudi consulate Fight Club is that no one talks about Saudi consulate Fight Club

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Saudi Arabia has claimed that murdered journalist, Jamal Khashoggi, died in a legitimate, bare-knuckle fist fight with a group of like-minded men who enjoy letting off steam.

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New case of Mad Cow disease detected after Scottish heifer insists no-deal Brexit is a ‘fantastic idea’

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A new case of mad cow disease has been confirmed after the animal in question mooed in favour of a no-deal Brexit.

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Cash-strapped Britons welcome news of yet another Royal foetus

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Austerity-weary Britons are delighted at the prospect of funding another Royal pregnancy, this morning.

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Men warn of huge risks to planet if lounge temperature rise exceeds 1.5 C

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Men who are “careful with their money” have warned of the huge risks to humanity if the temperature of the living room rises by the forecast 1.5C.

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