Dan Sweryt

Government wouldn’t be in this mess if Boris Johnson’s dad had stuck to his Withdrawal Agreement

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The government wouldn’t be in this mess if Boris Johnson’s dad had stuck to the Withdrawal Agreement he negotiated with his wife on the night Boris was conceived, say senior political analysts.

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Very rich people happy to find that undermining democracy only costs £135,000

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Very rich people in the UK are pleased to find that the process of undermining democracy comes with a very reasonable charge of only £135,000.

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Brexit proving people who ‘like to tell it how it is’ really don’t ‘like to hear it how it is’

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Brexit is proving that people in the UK who boast that ‘telling it how it is’ as if its a badge of honour, really don’t want to ‘hear how it is’ in actuality.

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Parents of head teachers facing fine for them missing a day at school

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Headteachers’ parent will soon be receiving a fine from the school for them taking an unauthorised day’s holiday to march at a Downing Street rally.

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Mary Poppins Returns subtitle finally revealed as ‘Mary Delivers a Brexit That’s Practically Perfect in Every Way

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The title of the belated Mary Poppins sequel has finally been revealed as ‘Mary Poppins Returns: Mary Delivers a Brexit That’s Practically Perfect in Every Way’.

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Planet Earth to search for better deal by switching away from the Sun as main energy provider

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Planet Earth is planning to switch from using the Sun as its energy supplier, in order to get a better deal on its fuel bills.

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Nigel Farage comeback ruined by fact he never went away

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Genetically-engineered Mr Toad and foremost loudmouth Nigel Farage’s political comeback has been completely ruined by the fact he never really went away in the first place.

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‘Wenger In’ signs appearing at Emirates stadium after new manager’s pathetic start

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Famously tolerant Arsenal fans have already started bringing ‘Wenger In’ signs to matches after Unai Emery’s pathetic start to the season which began with a defeat to the best team in the world.

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Roads become self-healing as tarmac melts to fill potholes

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The UK’s roads have officially become self-healing in the ongoing heatwave as tarmac is melting to fill in potholes up and down the country.

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New law designed to stop you receiving unwanted email generating terabytes of unwanted email

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The new General Data Protection Regulation laws designed to stop everyone receiving unwanted email have resulted in the generation of billions of terabytes of unwanted email as every company ever is emailing you to tell you about it.

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