Wednesday 31 October 2018 by Dave Doink

Michael Gove scares off trick or treaters by dressing as Michael Gove


Michael Gove halloween

Michael Gove has sent fear into the hearts of young trick or treaters – after answering the door dressed as himself.

The Environment Secretary thought it would be fun to spend Halloween in the costume of a power-crazed maniac who will trample your dreams and ruin your future to become Prime Minister.

However, the jape backfired after he nipped to the wardrobe to put on one of his trademark dull blue suits.

“My heart’s still pounding, I’ve never seen anything so hideous in all my life,” said 11-year-old Alice Vorhees.

“It was like somebody had put the Bo Selecta Bear’s glasses on an extremely smug-looking ventriloquist’s dummy with the skin of a slug.

“I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.”

Gove’s wife, Daily Mail columnist Sarah Vine, defended her husband’s actions, saying that the real problem was the trick or treaters’ single lesbian mums who should have taken precautions instead of conceiving.

However, the Surrey Heath MP later issued a statement of clarification.

He explained, “I was going to do some research into Halloween costumes and see what the experts are recommending, but, quite frankly, I’ve had enough of experts so decided to go it alone with the stubborn belief that things would work out ok. That is always a wise path to choose, I find.

“But to be honest, I never envisaged what an enormous clusterfuck I would create for others.

“I was originally going to add to the horrific costume by carrying a knife, but I think that’s still in Boris Johnson’s back.”

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