Friday 26 October 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Trump slams kettle for being black


Donald Trump

Dystopian President of the United States Donald Trump yesterday criticised, in the strongest possible terms, the kettle for being black.

At a rally in which Trump supporters dress up as normal people and shout slogans at each other, the President spent several minutes condemning the kettle for being ‘constantly often’ black.

“You know, folks,” said Mr Trump to rapturous applause.

“The kettle really is the problem, it really is. It is.

“What I think is that its black, it’s constantly often black.

“It shouldn’t be, though, that’s what I think. It really shouldn’t. It’s a kettle, it should be nice and clean and shiny and, you know, maybe if it was nice and clean and shiny, we’d be in a much better place than we are.

“We would, folks. We really would. That’s what I think.”

The crowd, which included actors dressed as astronauts, surgeons, and Albert Einstein applauded wildly, seemingly agreeing with the President’s criticism of the kettle.

Whilst the President had been widely expected to use this rally to take the opportunity to deliver a stinging attack on the kettle for its being black, he also took the opportunity to address the issue of the pot being black.

“That’s fine,” he confirmed.

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