Monday 22 October 2018 by Lucas Wilde

New Halifax advert sees bank manager trying to flog mortgages to cast of The Human Centipede


Halifax human centipede

Halifax is busy ruining another classic film beloved by the whole family.

The Human Centipede is the timeless tale of a mad scientist who kidnaps people and then stitches them together, mouth against bumhole, for reasons which are never made entirely clear to the viewer.

The latest Halifax advert sees a jovial bank manager sidling up to the unfortunate characters just as they awake to discover their fate and asking them if they fancy buying a mortgage.

“We’re really proud of it,” beamed advertising exec, Simon Williams.

“Three people awake to discover that they’ve been stitched together, arse to mouth, and they try to scream but they can’t because their mouths are full of each other’s arseholes – apart from the lucky one at the front, of course.

“That’s when the bank manager appears and cheerfully declares ‘Oh my, someone’s having a rough time of it!’ before explaining how Halifax’s rates of interest are ‘far easier to swallow’.

“Then he chuckles and skips off.

“We didn’t actually tell the actor which film we were putting him in. He thinks he’s being green-screened into the everlasting gobstopper scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

“…I mean they are KIND OF chocolate factories – no, no I’m not going there. This whole thing is disgusting enough.”

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