Wednesday 17 October 2018 by Pete Redfern

Theresa May fails to negotiate free glass of tap water on flight to Brussels


Theresa May negotiates water

The Prime Minister of Great Britain is having a tricky time handling the simplest of negotiations, it has emerged.

Remain-voting Theresa May was observed getting into a flustered mess on her flight to Brussels, where she will be meeting other EU leaders to have her Chequers Brexit deal roundly dismissed by all and sundry yet again.

“She called over an air steward and demanded a glass of wine, but things rapidly went downhill from there,” said one eyewitness.

”She was politely told that she would have to pay for it, at which she looked a bit put out and countered this request with a demand for a glass of sparkling mineral water instead.

“And again, the steward pointed out that the airline expected something in return, as this is what is known as ‘a transaction’.

“Theresa then asked for a glass of tap water, but demanded that the glass be both hot *and* cold at the same time, so she could enjoy a drink that provides her with the best of both worlds and could simultaneously warm her up and then cool her down, at which point the steward walked away shaking his head in despair.”

The eyewitness added, “She did try to offer her purse and car keys in exchange for a picture of a glass of water, insisting that the transaction was good for her, but by this point, the air steward had lost the will to live.

“She has just been an absolute state from start to finish – an object of pity, comedy and tragedy, and she hasn’t fared much better on this plane today, either.”

Asked for comment, Theresa May cryptically screeched “Backstop means backstop!” before hiding under her seat.

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