Wednesday 17 October 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Piers Morgan basically Katie Hopkins with a smaller penis, confirm scientists


Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins

Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins are one and the same, bar one or two cosmetic differences, according to reports this morning.

Scientists analysed the DNA from each of the hate-filled social pariahs and found that both were descended from history’s cuntiest apes.

“Remarkable,” confirmed Simon Williams, Professor of Twats.

“Twats Morgan and Hopkins are the same, bar for their genitals. The Hopkins creature possesses a snake-like penis with actual teeth and a Daily Mail tattoo, whereas the Morgan humanoid actually has an inverted penis which only comes out when it can sense controversy in exchange for money.

“It is vital that these two creatures never meet and touch penises. It would be like in Ghostbusters when they cross the streams.”

A spokesperson for both Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins (of course they have the same one) said, “both of my clients strenuously deny these claims.

“Piers Morgan hasn’t had a penis since he interviewed Donald Trump and allowed the President to take it home with him in a tic-tac box.

“And the tattoo on Katie’s penis is the opening paragraph of Mein Kampf, not the Daily Mail logo.”

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