Tuesday 16 October 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Nation horrified to discover begrudging sympathy for Theresa May


Theresa May sympathy figure

As the Prime Minister gears up for another day of being told she’s rubbish in a wide variety of accents, the nation is coming to accept that it has developed a begrudging sympathy for her.

The feelings of sympathy begin a month ago when, in Salzburg, everyone told her that her plans were nonsense then locked her out of the room so that they could all take the mickey out of her behind her back.

However, because it is Theresa May, many people were unable to comprehend the strange feeling of warmth they were having towards her.

“Scary, at first. Now just this slight self-disgust that I could have this sort of feeling toward Theresa May,” said normal person Simon Williams on the realisation that he felt a measure of sympathy for the Prime Minister.

“I mean, she’s a demonstrably terrible human being with her ‘go home’ trucks and contempt for the police force, but the fact that she’s just getting day after day of abuse from pretty much every person she encounters. I can’t help it, I feel a twinge of sympathy for her.”

With similar feelings being reported across the country, Mrs May might be forgiven to thinking she has the backing of the country.

“Good Lord no, she’s a weak incompetent shitwit with no more business being in Downing Street than a stray cow,” confirmed Mr Williams.

“I just feel a bit sorry for her.”

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