Monday 15 October 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Theresa May thanks Harry and Megan for arranging to drop a sprog right around Brexit time


Theresa May on royal baby

Theresa May has sent Prince Harry and his wife, Megan, a lovely fruit basket.

The gesture follows news that the couple is expecting their first child to be born in March, right around the time Britain formally leaves the European Union and fucks itself into a tin hat.

“The Prime Minister is delighted for the happy couple,” said a Number Ten spokesperson today.

“She is also delighted that the plebs will have a great, big distraction from Brexit that should keep them from focusing on the fact all of their medicine is drying up.

“Honestly, we bloody love the royal family. They are to you lot what shiny paper is to a magpie or Wayne Rooney.

“You should see some of the shit we rolled out when Will and Kate got married. You lot still don’t know about half of it and still can’t fathom why your bins aren’t getting collected as often. It’s hilarious.”

A spokesperson for the Royal Family said, “Both Harry and Megan are prepared for a long, drawn-out final few months involving a lot of a pain, sweating, resentment and swearing, culminating in an incredibly messy few hours where the thing finally gets delivered.

“But that’s Brexit for you, and they’re happy to distract from that with the comparatively easy task of producing a human.”

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