Monday 15 October 2018 by Gary Stanton

Cash-strapped Britons welcome news of yet another Royal foetus


Harry and Meghan

Austerity-weary Britons are delighted at the prospect of funding another Royal pregnancy, this morning.

People across the UK switched on their phones earlier to be greeted with the joyful news that Meghan is up the duff, which they freely admit, is a welcome distraction from a lack of disposable income and dangerous rental accommodation.

Harry and Meghan said they were delighted to share the happy news with the public – just as the public is delighted to share their tax revenues with the happy couple.

Indeed, those venturing out to food banks in cold October winds are said to be on the verge of ecstasy; rightfully happy to be picking up the tab for the new arrival, not to mention all the recent ones.

Pauper, Simon Williams, said, “When I climbed out of my sodden cardboard box this morning and heard the fantastic news, the last thought I had was ‘oh God how much is this one going to cost?’

“With the economy set to tank and another four hundred or so dead homeless people like me to boast of this year, this is exactly the kind of thing the UK should be spending its money on.

“Only those traitors who hate our country and everything it stands for would suggest otherwise.

“When you think of the joy that the Royals bring to wretched, lost souls like me, who are poor due to bad life choices, you realise that every pound pissed up the wall by the taxpayer is a pound well pissed.

“You know what? I jolly well hope that Eugenie is sexually active because I know that the country, as a whole, can’t wait to pay for whatever emerges from her uterus in nine months time.”

He added, “If Harry and Meghan haven’t already found out the sex of the child, and given the likely date it will emerge from her vagina, why not call it something gender-neutral like Brexit?”

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