Tuesday 9 October 2018 by Arabin Patson

Pensioners rummaging through scrapheaps is what Brexit is all about, says Michael Gove


landfill pension

Pensioners rummaging through scrapheaps is a key policy for Brexit Britain, according to man of the people Michael Gove.

In a Daily Telegraph exclusive, the lead Brexiteer and Environmental secretary Michael Gove said that his new flagship policy, of letting old people scour recycling centres for things of value, was exactly the type of economic liberal attitude that encapsulated a new UK outside the EU.

In it, the man once described as an intellectual titan within the Conservative Party, explained that the policy was a direct nod to Leave voters.

He went on, “The people entrusted us to enact their will and that is exactly what this policy will do.

“Once we are freed of the shackles of the EU, we can finally tap into our true economic potential. Far too long, Brussels busybodies have forced us to cordon off recycling skips because of their Nanny state claims that rifling through rubbish is unsafe, unhygienic and demeaning.

“Now, you, the honest Leave voter, can show some Blitz spirit and collect scrap metal just like your parents did.

“Why rely on foreign labour, supplies, food and tax revenues when you can easily provide for yourself by sorting through discarded building rubble for copper tubing?

“Who knows? You might find something from your past. Like a rotary phone. You remember those? Why don’t you tell us a nice anecdote about it? We’ll listen, unlike your grandkids.”

A recent IPSOS/MORI poll seemed to confirm Mr Gove’s political instincts.

In it, 74% of respondents agreed that nothing quite symbolized Brexit Britain like doddering old folk scrambling over fetid waste just to survive with nothing but nostalgia to distract them from their self-inflicted misery.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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