Monday 8 October 2018 by Lucas Wilde

New soundproof BMW allows dead-inside sales execs to scream into void undisturbed


BMW Shriek

You can now embrace the full catharsis of a good, hard scream from the comfort of your own car.

BMW has released the new BMW Shriek, which comes with the latest in soundproofing technology, giving you the opportunity for a good scream, howl or cry in the car park at lunch.

“It’s an amazing machine,” said Simon Williams, a sales executive who wanted to be an astronaut when he was a boy and whose soul has been missing since joining Homesworth & Bastard Office Supplies in 2014.

“Previously, if I wanted to scream or cry to vent the sheer infinity of hopeless despair that is this stupid job that makes no difference to the world, I’d have to pop home and yell into a pillow until my throat dried out.

“Now I can just walk out the office, giving a cheery ‘hullo’ to the receptionist on the way past, before lying down in the back seat of my BMW Shriek, closing the door and howling into space while thinking about the things I could have done in my formative years to prevent the utterly pointless existence which I now lead.

“There’s also enough room for child seats, which is nice.”

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