Monday 8 October 2018 by Arabin Patson

Men win more Nobel Prizes than women because they are smarter, say utter dimwits


Men brighter than women

Complete imbeciles across the world have responded to recent accusations, that the Nobel Committee is biased against female nominees, by claiming men are inherently more predisposed to brilliance despite every word they have ever uttered being a damning indictment to the contrary.

Simon Williams, an idiot from Dover who isn’t sure what the periodic table is, was one of many to take to social media to explain that women get overlooked because they “simply aren’t good at sciencing”.

He explained, “It’s just facts. If women were cleverer then they would be better at finding atoms or making laws of gravity.

“Einstein’s success is not due to his upbringing, drive, unique mindset or freakish brain power. It’s because he had testicles. Like I do.

“Everyone is talking about STEM and bias but if the world was so sexist, how come every woman I have ever met seems to get promoted over me? Just last week, Laura became a team manager in my call centre. She’s only been here for three months. I’ve been on the phones for six years and not one shot at promotion!”

Dr Amanda Tinnock, a psychologist at the University of Exeter, explained that it was very difficult to convince online misogynists of the error of their ways.

She explained, “As much as we want to believe in the benefits of informed debate and adult education, my clinical experience tells me that, after a certain age, there is not much we can do.

“Once they start talking about ‘red pills’ the most efficient way to give them peace is to castrate them and feed them snacks.

“It works for the lab rats.”

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