Friday 5 October 2018 by Pete Redfern

Toilet paper boards Air Force One still attached to massive turd


Trump toilet roll

A bit of toilet paper has been caught on camera entering the President’s jet with a massive turd still stuck to it.

The toilet paper was filmed somehow ascending the stairs to board Air Force One at the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport in order to fly to a Make America Great Again rally in Rochester, Minnesota, when observers noticed that it had something deeply unsavoury attached to it.

Cameraman Chuck Williams explained, “We were just setting up for the classic ‘President entering Air Force One’ shot, when something fluttering in the wind caught my eye.

“A little strip of toilet paper seemed to be blowing up the stairs, but what was most remarkable is that it was able to move at all, given the size of the piece of shit still stubbornly attached to it.

“It gets weirder, though – at the top the stairs, the disgusting wobbly mass of excrement then seemed to turn and wave at the cameras, before the toilet paper then got blown into the aircraft and disappeared.”

The toilet roll spoke to reporters of its embarrassment at the unfortunate incident.

It explained, “We’re usually photographed neatly rolled up in soft lighting, next to some puppies or something – so to be seen in public like this, attached to a massive piece of shit, is absolutely mortifying.

“I could be flushed through a series of rancid sewers over the next few days – and this will still be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

The aeroplane was later seen to take off, surprisingly without any sign of the President having boarded.

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