Thursday 4 October 2018 by Lucas Wilde

People who spell “lose” as “loose” face death penalty


Death penalty for spelling lose as loose

Spelling the word “lose” as “loose” will now get you shot in the back of the head.

The bizarre spelling mistake, which requires the insertion of an additional letter and therefore more effort than the correct method, has existed ever since bored housewives started selling that Juice Plus shite on Facebook “for anyone that wants to loose weight”.

“Just read it aloud to yourself phonetically,” advised Simon Williams, language expert and pedant.

“It completely changes the sound of the word. It’s not a complicated word like ‘facetious’ which is genuinely tricky to spell.

“I therefore believe it’s entirely reasonable that these people LOSE their lives- not ‘lifes’, that’s a different can of worms altogether.”

Justice Minister, Jay Cooper, said, “It’s mainly poor people making this mistake en masse, so this Conservative government is delighted that this law has passed.

“It’s going to be so much quicker than our current plan of starving them to death or making them fight to the death over the bread post-Brexit.”

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