Tuesday 2 October 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Wheat field photo actually shows Boris fleeing man whose wife he just shagged


Boris Running through wheatfield

Boris Johnson has been photographed sprinting away from danger like the poorly dressed cad that he is.

The photo appears to show the former Foreign Secretary cheekily recreating Theresa May’s “naughtiest thing I’ve ever done” incident by frolicking through a field of wheat.

Which surprised many observers, given that Boris has a long and distinguished history of significantly naughtier behaviour than Theresa May.

”Oh how I wish him mocking Theresa were actually the case,” sighed Boris’ ever-burdened and thoroughly exhausted spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“Boris wasn’t having a sly dig at Theresa May, he was sprinting away from a wronged husband and his shotgun.

“Apparently he came home from work early while Boris was balls deep in his wife across the kitchen table.

“Boris just about managed to sprint out the back door while the husband was loading the shotgun. Then he took off across the nearest field, buckshot whizzing past his ear every few seconds.

“That’s the reason for the bizarre shorts. They’re actually boxers; Boris hadn’t time to get his trousers back on. Did you honestly think those hideous shorts were sports-related outerwear? Come on.

”Boris only slowed down from his sprint because he saw a photographer and a chance for some public attention. The second that photo was taken, a shotgun blast rang out and he was off again.

“If that photographer had taken another photo a second later, he’d have taken one of an irate husband, screaming ‘I’ll show you a hard Brexit you bastard!’ while aiming a shotgun.”

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