Tuesday 2 October 2018 by Chris Ballard

How will Theresa May f*ck up her conference speech this year?


Theresa May speech

The Prime Minister is busy planning how she can possibly top last year’s hilarious conference speech.

Will it be a disappointing follow up in the vein of that boring Only Fools and Horses spin-off or can she successfully build upon last year’s comedy gold like the second series of The Office?

Last year Theresa May delivered the sort of performance that Michael McIntyre could only dream of. It was a glorious comedy of errors which fully deserved its clean sweep at the British Comedy Awards.

However, it wasn’t quite enough. Theresa May wasn’t ousted as Prime Minister and had to plough on with this awful Brexit business. This year’s speech might be her final chance to pull the ripcord.

Comedy aficionado Simon Williams discusses how she might be able to go one better on Wednesday.

“Comedy is often about escalation. She should, therefore, take the elements of last year’s speech and go even further.

“Rather than having a tickly cough why not periodically vomit down her front mid-sentence? It’s vital she doesn’t mention this though and just plods on with an increasingly stained and reeking blouse.

“Similarly, rather than a few falling letters why not have the roof cave in at an appropriate juncture? For example, a falling beam could kill some low-skilled Pole who works at the venue just as she discusses immigration policy.

“If all else fails she can accidentally drop the N-bomb. If she messes up a sentence like ‘since the decision was made to trigger article fifty’ then surely her days of worrying about Brexit will be over.”

The PM will be addressing the conference tomorrow and is hoping the hilarity that ensues could see her booked for a run at the Edinburgh Festival next year.

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