Wednesday 26 September 2018

Beluga whale in the Thames only heading to UK for the benefits, claim UKIP


Gerard Batten on whale in the thames

The Beluga whale seen in UK waters around the Thames is only here due to the government’s lax attitude in providing benefits to foreigners, according to a UKIP spokesperson this morning.

This week’s UKIP leader, Gerard Batten, told reporters that the whale heading to the UK was just the latest in a long line of immigrants looking to personally gain from the overly generous benefits policies of successive UK governments.

He told those gathered, “I bet that beluga whale thinks it’s getting job seekers allowance and a plasma TV – and it’s probably right!

“I bet we’ll find out it’s pregnant and it probably thinks it’ll jump to the head of the council house waiting list, which as a foreigner it no doubt will.

“If we closed our borders and told foreigners they couldn’t get any benefits at all if they come to the UK, then that whale would be heading elsewhere, I guarantee it.

“For too long the UK has been seen as a soft touch for ocean dwellers, and something has to be done to change it.

“Vote UKIP, and rest assured that only British born domestic whales will get the help they need.”

The news has left many UKIP supporters confused over the fact that the whale is white.

UKIP supporter Simon Williams told us, “It’s been really sneaky, as this foreign whale has done everything it can to blend in with us.

“They’re the same colour, and they don’t dress funny or use strange accents – which makes it really hard for me to decide whether I should hate it or not.

“And I have to hate things that are different to me, it’s the UKIP way.”

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