Tuesday 25 September 2018 by Pete Redfern

Theresa May trying to work out when would be best time to fake her own death


Theresa May to fake her death

Britain’s most socially awkward Prime Minister Theresa May is currently weighing up her exit options, according to a source close to Number Ten.

Following a disastrous meeting with other European leaders in Salzburg last week and with the Conservative Party conference looming, it is understood that Theresa May is starting to look for a way to leave her role without losing face.

“Well, she has found herself in a bit of pickle over this whole Brexit malarkey, and has discovered that having vowed to deliver something that she campaigned against in the first place, the toll on her mind and body has been tremendous,” revealed our anonymous source, Simon Williams.

“She wants a way out, but she cannot simply call a snap general election like she did last year, as the resulting further loss in seats will make her look even weaker at decision making then she is at dancing.

“She can’t resign, as this will make it seem like she has just given up. Which she has, but she’s determined that her legacy as PM will remain intact and worthy of full respect.”

He went on, “So that basically leaves her the option of faking her own death, and then going to lie low in a wheat field for a decade or so until it all blows over.

“She’s thinking of maybe making it seem like she has died in a car bomb, as some of her contacts in the Saudi government could advise her on how to set off an explosion in a residential area and make it look realistic.

“Watch this space, I guess.”

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