Monday 24 September 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Bodyguard ends with whatstheirface double-crossing whatshisname because of thing-a-me-bob


BBC bodyguard

Hit BBC drama Bodyguard gripped the nation with its ruddy complicated finale last night.

Several things happened to the main bloke in the BBC’s hit drama, and everybody you know sat down to try and work out what the bloody hell was going on over 75 minutes of spell-binding nonsense.

“It was bloody tense,” confirmed television owner and sometime license fee payer, Simon Williams.

“Rob Stark from Game of Thrones cried a lot while wearing a weird vest and everybody else was running around looking jolly tense because they were fighting a conspiracy, or in on the conspiracy, or both, or neither.

“Honestly, God knows what was going on, I just know that it was good and I’m absolutely right to have watched it.”

Another viewer, Hayley Rice, said, “They were all desperately searching for a kumquat at some point.

“I think that’s what they were after, I was only half-listening, to be fair. It’s weird innit, spying? Loads of people running around looking for a small orange. You can get them at Tesco, it’s not hard. I could be a spy I reckon.”

Telly critic, Jay Cooper, sighed and said, “I’m not surprised to hear that your average Joe Public couldn’t quite follow what was happening.

“It’s obvious really: that bloke was being set up by that lot who were trying to do over not only him but also that woman but that woman was actually in on it too but for good reasons which eventually actually turned out to be bad because that other, younger woman in that coat was set up to work for that gang which she was actually in charge of which built a bomb that either did or didn’t go off which was actually built by somebody else.

“It’s not complicated.”

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