Thursday 20 September 2018 by Tommy Charles

Big Bird revealed as a foot fetishist


Big Bird into feet

Following speculation that Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie might be a homosexual couple, it has now been claimed that Big Bird is sexually aroused by feet.

Mark Saltzman, a former writer on the show, suggested that while it was never explicitly addressed, he felt that the iconic duo was in a romantic relationship – a claim that has since been denied by the show’s producers.

However, another insider has revealed the sexual preferences of a number of other high-profile characters including avian funster Big Bird, who reportedly has a penchant for feet.

“Big Bird would often ask to borrow my laptop on set and whenever I got it back the browsing history would be littered with searches for foot porn,” explained former production assistant Simon Williams.

“He’s a great guy, and each to their own, but I had to stop lending him it when I was getting targeted ads for used socks on eBay.

“I’m not sure if the fact that it was human feet makes it weirder or not, but a lot of guests found it uncomfortable when he would offer them foot massages.

“Most people would politely decline, but Jeff Goldblum seemed to really enjoy it so I guess there was no harm done there.”

Big Bird wasn’t the only star to have their private interests laid bare by Williams, who went on to allege a number of other puppets have more niche sexual tastes.

“Oscar was into some hardcore shit and his trash can was basically a really unsanitary sex dungeon, with all manner of torturous looking dildos lying around – I’m talking fifty shades of brown.

“The Count, contrary to your stereotypical vampire, is into older women and to him, age is just a number – preferably 50 plus!

“Grover is asexual of course, but like most muppets he didn’t seem to mind being fisted.”

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