Monday 17 September 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Buying expensive trainers somehow means you should also support your friends’ stupid business ideas


man not buying your shit

You’ve bought some nice clothes from a shop, so you should definitely buy some hideous, over-priced clothing designed by one of your friends, according to Facebook this morning.

Several memes are doing the rounds with thoughts along the lines of “you’ll buy Eminem’s new album when you don’t even know Eminem, so why won’t you support your friend’s business?”

“Because Eminem’s music is something that I actually like, whereas none of my friends supply goods or services that I would ever feasibly want,” confirmed realist, Simon Williams.

“One of my friends is a tarot card reader and is constantly asking why I never come in for a reading, and I keep telling her it’s because life is too short and I don’t want to waste an hour of it listening to vague, overly optimistic horseshit. I get enough of that from West Ham supporters.

“Another of my friends makes shoes, but they’re objectively hideous and not very well made, and he keeps asking why I’ll buy comparatively expensive ones from shops when I could just buy the ones he makes. It’s because I want to buy shoes that I might feasibly wear.

“Another lady I happen to be friends with also expects me to become a customer, but she sells seashells by the seashore, which is an objectively stupid business model.

“I love all of my friends who work in offices and factories. They never try to pawn off third-rate goods onto me and they’ve accepted their roles as soulless worker ants. We’re the real heroes here.”

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