Friday 14 September 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Trump promises aid to all the white people affected by Hurricane Florence


Trump to help white people in the carolinas

President Trump has declared that the Federal Government is fully prepared for Hurricane Florence and that all white people affected will be offered any and all aid that is required.

He also urged all white people to evacuate the hurricane’s path and get to safety.

“This is a big one. Huge. Really big, and so wet. The wettest,” said the President.

“I’m really concerned that we could see many decent white folk in trouble down there. Real big trouble. With the wind.

“But, you know, I think that all you white people know that you can rely on me and we are ready with aid and emergency services and all of the things.

“White people, I promise, you will get through this.”

The President, whilst confident in his administration’s capability to help white people appeared confused when questioned about people of colour.

“What, the blacks? I don’t…they’re not really our area,” he said.

“Perhaps there is some sort of President for blacks who should be taking care of those guys. Maybe we can look into that.

“Better idea – maybe the blacks could look into who their president is, because they’re going to know that kind of thing better than me.

“They should hurry though, the blacks, because it’s going to get rough down there. Real rough. Boy, I’m not kidding.”

The President concluded his announcement by double fist-pumping, attempting to lead a chant of ‘lock her up’ in which only he joined in, and touching a reporter for the Washington Post inappropriately.

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