Tuesday 11 September 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Bumbling Boris Johnson wishes everybody a “Happy September 11th”


Boris on September 11th

That whacky Boris Johnson is at it again bumbling his way through another inappropriate sentiment designed to show everyone how he is a man of the people.

Seemingly on auto-pilot (uh, PHRASING! – ed) and forgetting what today actually means, the Beano-background-artist tweeted “Happy September 11th to all, hope you enjoy the festivities”.

“He has been a bit distracted lately, what with all the extra-marital shagging he’s apparently been doing – but, even with that caveat, this wasn’t his finest hour,” admitted Johnson’s spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“He knew that he had to tweet something today but he mixed it up with the kind of obligation he usually feels for religious holidays. He’s just all mixed up at the moment – more so than usual. It’s actually quite easy to get this mixed up about what sentiment you’re supposed to be displaying when you’re regularly as disingenuous as Boris often is.

“You know who else struggles to mimic sincerity of emotion and sentiment. Psychopaths, that’s who. That’s an interesting fact, don’t you think?

“Anyway, now it’s out of his system, hopefully he won’t be tweeting for everyone to ‘have a jolly old time this Remembrance Sunday’ or some similar bollocks.”

Boris Johnson commented, “RUFF-RAH!

“What ho, everyone! Come on, cheer up, it’s September 11th and I’ve brought a cake!

“Jesus, why are you all looking at me like that? I didn’t shag your wives, did I?

“Oh, I did? Well, then, I supposed I should say I’m sorry – but at least have some cake, what-what?”

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