Monday 10 September 2018 by Chris Ballard

Man’s laundry situation so desperate he’s wearing Christmas present from in-laws


Christmas present shirt

Due to a complete lack of clean clothes a man has been forced to wear that awful shirt his wife’s parents bought him last Christmas.

A busy family life combined with general laziness has meant that Simon Williams had no clean clothes to wear to work this morning.

“We have two small children so their shitty, vomit-covered clothes always take precedence in the wash cycle,” he said.

“Yes, I suppose I could have put a load in last night, but you know, Bodyguard was on the TV and then I was really tired.

“Basically I’m down to my emergency garments in all departments.

“I’m wearing underpants that are designed to look like Father Christmas’ belt and my socks play Jingle Bells if you squeeze the ankle. It’s not a big deal though as no one can see these.

“I’ve also been forced to wear my ‘house jeans’ – the ones with an extremely worn crotch that somehow look like I do nothing but rub myself. I’ll get away with it as long as none of my colleagues is intent at having a good old stare at my groin area, which I’m confident will be the case.

“The shirt, however, is a different matter altogether.

“I’ll be honest, I’m generally more of a navy or beige man but this thing is a really nasty shade of purple with a sort of orange trim. Put it this way, if I wore it in Sainsbury’s people would be asking me for assistance.

“I did take it down the Oxfam but they sent it back at great expense with a note saying ‘no thanks.’ I’m now quite pleased they did as I suppose it’s better than coming to work topless.

“Marginally.”

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