Friday 7 September 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Tories confirm they don’t have to deal with anti-Semitism because they’re not Labour


Antisemitism Tories

The Tory Party has robustly responded to demands that it should investigate claims of anti-Semitism within the party by stating that it doesn’t need to bother to do that because it’s not the Labour party.

After a summer of controversy surrounding attitudes to the Jewish community, the Tory Party have wanted to avoid the mistakes of Jeremy Corbyn by being completely upfront and open about their indifference towards anti-Semitism and by suggesting that everyone keeps on at Labour about it, instead.

“Anti-Semitism? No, that’s not for us to comment on, thank you. You’ll be wanting to talk to that Labour lot about that,” said Simon Williams, Tory Minister and campaigner for the re-introduction of child labour.

“I mean, we’ve changed our handbook to say that we support the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance definition of anti-Semitism, so I’m not sure what else you require from us on the subject.

“Granted, we spelt holocaust wrong the first time, but no one noticed so it doesn’t count.

“On a personal note, I hold a drinks party for friends and donors each Christmas to raise funds for the bombing of Palestine, so there’s also that.

“But I’m not sure what else you’re expecting? We’re the Tory Party so we can get away with ignoring any claims of anti-Semitism because that’s how everything works.”

The Tory Party has also confirmed that it won’t be bothering to deal with any of the racism, Islamophobia, homophobia or sexism within its party because Labour is anti-Semitic, and everyone look over there.

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