Friday 7 September 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Boris Johnson’s wedding vows discovered on the side of a bus


Boris Wedding vows found on big red bus

A bus declaring Boris Johnson’s promise to remain faithful to his wife has been found in a scrapyard.

The big red bus declared a promise and an idea that demonstrably had no basis in fact compared to what was actually going to happen in the future.

“Like all buses with declarative statements, this one was a lying piece of shit,” confirmed Bus Expert, Simon Williams.

“All that stuff about honouring his wife, and forsaking all others in favour of her? It seemed a bit over the top, to be honest. Almost like he was trying to convince people it was true, rather than letting the evidence speak for itself. Which it clearly has. Eventually.

“Not quite sure why anyone, including Boris Johnson, would put their wedding vows on the side of a bus in he first place…maybe he thought it would be a jolly good wheeze to show up in a bus on his wedding day?

“Who knows, it’s Boris we’re talking about here. He could have shown up atop an ostrich and it wouldn’t have surprised any of the guests.

“We also found another bus with an advertisement declaring The Hitman’s BodyGuard as ‘the funniest film of the year’, so it’s obvious at this point that we cannot trust anything printed on the side of the bus, any more than Boris Johnson’s wife can trust him not to shag anything proximate to him.

“Also, there’s the whole £350million for the NHS thing, obviously, but we’re hoping you were smart enough to understand that’s what we were really getting at here.”

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