Thursday 6 September 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Nike placates protesters with their new line of ‘Air Trumps’


Nike Air Trump shoes

Nike has released a line of footwear to address mass protests against their sponsorship of NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

The new “Air Trumps” were released yesterday and are selling like hotcakes amongst fuckwits, dullards and racists.

“We are delighted and proud to release the new Air Trumps,” said Nike spokesperson, Jay Cooper.

“We always work hard to meet customer demand, these new sneakers are available in either red, white or blue and come with extra padding to protect against the pain caused by bone spurs which you may or may not actually have.

“The shoes are wipe-clean to make sure your Air Trumps won’t suffer damage caused by the spillage of diet coke, cheeto-dust, or even your own semen after a night spent cheating on your post-natal wife with a porn star.

“They come with the option of velcro straps, in line with our target demographic’s desire to do away with ‘them fancy laces for faggots’, which will leave them with more energy for polishing their shotguns.

“They are also embossed with the likeness of Donald Trump, which should be just about perfect for the sort of person who has destroyed a pair of Nikes in the last 48 hours.

“They retail for just $199.99 and are completely unsuitable for exercise of any kind.”

Fuckwit, Simon Williams, said, “I swore I would never buy another Nike product again.

“But now they’re back on board with the kind of things that I find subjectively acceptable, so I’ve decided to buy seventeen pairs of Air Trumps.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: