Tuesday 4 September 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Theresa May drops epic diss track on Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg


Theresa May diss track

Theresa May has dropped a lyrical bomb on her political opponents.

The Prime Minister is taking a leaf out of Eminem’s big book of swears and has “strapped on a snapback and clapped back at the claptrap”.

“That’s one of the lyrics,” confirmed music aficionado, Simon Williams.

“If she’s written all of this herself, it’s surprisingly proficient. I wasn’t expecting to see the Prime Minister spit fire like this.

“I’m not sure if a snapback cap and big puffa jacket necessarily suits her, but it’s certainly a refreshing approach to political discourse, if nothing else.”

A preview copy of the new track has been made available to journalists, and one of the verses reads”

I am PM, stepped into the Eton mess that Cameron left to try and make Britain great again

Meanwhile, the erstwhile foreign sec and a Victorian throwback with a giraffe neck

Can’t keep their mouths shut, loudmouths but…no actual ideas just divisive muck

Fuck you, the big blonde child and the mild-mannered anti-abortionist 

I’ve bent over backwards so much call me contortionist

Apportion this blame to me? It’s plain to see that the people’s real enemy is you two frenemies.

Fuck you both and fuck Gove too, hope you all end up dead and they find your severed heads in a chimney flue.

A spokesperson for the PM said, “Mrs May has been working on this track for the past two weeks.

“..in fact she’s worked on nothing but this. It’s no wonder nothing else has got done.”

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