Tuesday 4 September 2018

American racists to start burning crosses made from Nike trainers


Nike burning cross

Racists across America are updating the long-held practice of burning crosses made of wood, to burn crosses made of Nike trainers after the sports company used Colin Kaepernick in its latest advertising campaign.

The choice of Kaepernick, a black man famous for taking a knee during the national anthem in protest against police brutality against young unarmed black men, has for some reason angered large sections of the population who don’t particularly like black people.

As such, they have taken to burning the expensive apparel they’ve already paid Nike for, in a protest that demonstrates their lack of understanding of capitalist principles as much as it does their lack of understanding of societal ones.

Political analyst Simon Williams said, “They’re burning their own shoes, right? That’s like scratching your own car because BMW did something you didn’t like.

“I get that they don’t like the use of a black man in an advert because he’s famous for doing something they didn’t like to draw attention to the rights of black people, but self-harming seems like a very stupid way to protest.”

Angry former Nike customer Chuck Matthews told us, “I’ve burned ALL my Nike trainers, that will show them I mean business! I mean, yes, I’ve already paid Nike hundreds of dollars for them, but they’re still BURNED now.

“You watch the share price plummet now that I won’t be buying the replacements I also didn’t need to buy yesterday. I mean, yes, the share price has gone up over 1% today, that’s true – but that’s just because the market hasn’t properly reacted to the shoes I’ve burned.

“Burning your own property to own the libs is what will Make America Great Again.”

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