Monday 3 September 2018

End of school holidays sees ‘working from home’ become pleasant again


Home working pleasant again

The ability to respond to a few emails while watching TV is once again an available option for home workers who have been surrounded by screaming children for the last six weeks.

As schools reopen for the new academic year, homeworkers across the nation have breathed a huge sigh of relief, and grabbed a coffee and the nearest biscuit to catch up on their latest favourite Netflix series.

Homeworker Simon Williams told us, “Sometimes things these things just work out, and today the kids have gone back to school, and Netflix has just release series two of Ozark – I believe that’s something called serendipity.

“Working from home is incredibly difficult when you’re surrounded by satan’s waist-high minions demanding your attention at every minute of every single day. You have no idea how much idle Internet browsing doesn’t get done when the kids are off school.

“Thankfully they’ve gone back today, and I can get back to my term-time productivity levels of somewhere around 25%.

“I can’t work any harder than that, or it will show just how little work I actually did during the holidays.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, this chocolate biscuit won’t eat itself.”

Simon’s boss told us he knows full well what Simon’s work habits are like as the company’s only home worker.

He explained, “We know he doesn’t work very hard, that’s not news to us, but he doesn’t realise he’s massively underpaid and everyone who actually comes into the office thinks he’s an arse.

“So him staying at home is actually a win-win situation for everyone.”

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