Monday 3 September 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Chuckling ghost of John McCain punts another Trump golf ball into the lake


Donald Trump playing golf

The late Republican Senator, John McCain, is having a whale of a time in the afterlife.

Mr McCain died at the age of 82 after a long, physical battle with a kind of brain tumour known as glioblastoma as well as a long, verbal battle with a kind of walking tumour known as President Donald J Trump.

“He used to think it was funny how I was captured and tortured in Vietnam,” confirmed McCain’s ghost, taking a long run-up to hoof Trump’s golf ball deep into the lake on the 16th hole during Trump’s fourth round of golf this week.

“Well, let’s see how hard Captain Bone Spurs laughs about wading into the lake for the ninth time today. Look at him. He’s afraid to even get his feet wet. Sums up his whole stinkin’ life if you ask me.

“I was quite surprised to end up on a golf course when I died, but then I saw a ball land in front of me and Trump came waddling after it, and I suddenly understood why I was put here.

“Heh heh heh… his shot count is going to be so high today, he won’t know if he’s looking at his golf score or his disapproval rating..”

A confused Trump said, “Dammit! Another one in the water?!

“At this rate, I’m going to have to cheat.”

On hearing the threat, McCain’s ghost yelled, “YOU HAVEN’T SAID THAT SINCE THE ELECTION HAVE YOU, YA FAT BASTARD?!” while puncturing the tyres on Trump’s golf cart.

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