Sunday 2 September 2018 by Lucas Wilde

“Serves six” declares lying bitch of a cake


Whole chocolate cake

A cake is talking out of its arse, according to reports this morning.

The dense, moist, delicious chocolate treat is of a modest size but still claims to serve six people.

“Pfft yeah OK,” said Simon Williams, cutting the cake exactly in half and giving the other half to his wife.

“Six supermodels on a soul-crushing diet, maybe. Not ordinary people like us who don’t mind dying in their fifties.

“Honestly, look at it. It’s only five inches in diameter. If I went to a dinner party where six people were present in total and the host brought that out for dessert and nothing else, I’d spit on their neck. I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only one.”

Food packaging manager, Hayley Rice, said, “I wanted to an astronaut” while staring wistfully at the moon.

“Sorry…yes the packaging thing.

“Obviously we want everyone to enjoy their cake. But this is real life, so we need to ensure you enjoy it alongside the tinge of guilt that you’re eating a portion intended for three adult humans.

“If we could legally put ‘serves six, you fat piece of shit’ then believe me, we would. Because we HATE you.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: