Thursday 30 August 2018 by Davywavy

Dead body in festival toilets by no means the worst smelling thing in there


Dirty festival toilets

There’s a corpse in the Portaloos at a festival but frankly, it’s not making things any worse, according to reports today.

The body, which has been there several days and is starting to get a bit ripe, actually makes the whole experience of going to the toilet slightly more enjoyable and smell quite a bit better than usual, according to regular festival-goers.

“I’d been really dreading needing a big poo,” said attendee Simone Williams, “As that meant I’d have to go in one of the portable toilets after in excess of eight thousand people had been in there before me.

“I don’t know what happens to people at festivals – maybe they attach a sprinkler system to their arses or something – but it usually looks like someone has blown down a trombone full of chocolate mousse in the cubicle.”

“I’ll tell you what, nothing like what I’ve seen has ever come out of my delicate and ladylike arse so God only knows what the rest of you are doing.

“I can’t describe my relief when I got to the bog and there was nothing worse than a human corpse to contend with.

“People often say that the toilets smell like something has died in them, but as it turns out, that’s actually an improvement.”

Festival organisers said they’d been made aware of the body, but after requests from attendees they’d agreed to leave it in the toilet as it was ‘like a breath of fresh air compared to how those things usually are, all things considered’.

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