Tuesday 28 August 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Pope confirms that Guinness tastes better in Dublin


The Pope has concluded his visit to Ireland and issued an official Catholic Church proclamation to the effect that Guinness tastes better in Dublin.

Pope Francis, recently voted world’s most popular Pope for the fourth year running, travelled to Ireland with the express intention of settling once and for all the debate into whether Guinness tastes better there or not.

“It is the position of the Catholic Church that Guinness tastes better in Dublin, due to the craic and whatnot,” read the official proclamation.

The Pope celebrated Mass in Dublin’s Phoenix Park before spending an afternoon in the pubs of the city’s infamous Temple Bar area before returning to his hotel singing a medley of Pogues songs, and shouting ‘begorrah!’ at locals before running off laughing.

Simon Williams, a professional shoe-taster from Galway ran into His Holiness during the afternoon.

“Great lad,” confirmed Mr Williams.

“He bought me a pint and we watched some of the Chelsea match together.

“He said the Guinness in the Vatican was a load of old bollocks, and that it tasted much better round here.

“I offered to take him to a few other pubs, but apparently Bono had heard he was in town and wanted to bend his ear about the poor, so he was going to go back to his hotel room to hide.”

It is understood that the Pope had favoured replacing the official Papal Mitre with a big, novelty Guinness top hat as part of the proclamation but was persuaded against it.

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