Thursday 23 August 2018 by Chris Ballard

Shock and confusion as weather app on phone gets forecast wrong


Weather App on phone gets forecast wrong

Nobody knows what to trust anymore as a normally 100% reliable weather app didn’t accurately predict the day’s meteorological conditions.

Simon Williams didn’t take an umbrella to work. He didn’t take a coat either. He knew he didn’t need either of these things because his phone told him it was going to be dry and warm all day.

However, as Simon was walking from the tube station to his office not only was it slightly chilly but it absolutely fucking pissed down.

“Wha, wha, what j-just happened?” Simon stammered as he got to his desk a shivering and dripping wreck.

“My phone very clearly showed that between eight and nine this morning there would be a cloud. Not rain, a cloud.

“There was to be no rain until nine o’clock this evening by which point I would have been safe in my flat.

“Something’s gone wrong somewhere – I don’t know if it’s the app or the weather that’s incorrect but someone has dropped a massive bollock here.”

The app’s apparent error has led to more widespread concerns about the very foundations of our society.

A spokesman for most people said, “If we can’t rely on our phones to tell us how to live then we’ll all be reduced to vegetables, unable to get out of bed because we don’t know where to go, what to eat or which clothes to wear.

“We’ll be little more than beached jellyfish, motionless on the sand, being prodded by the sticks of children who have not yet surrendered themselves to the unreliable tide of technology.”

Visibly shaken by the ordeal Simon decided to check himself out using his phone’s health app.

“Oh my God!” he exclaimed. “My heart rate is zero – I’m dead!”

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