Thursday 23 August 2018 by Pete Redfern

Daily Mail celebrates ‘Barely legal sexy girls getting their exam results’ day


Daily Mail exam results

The Daily Mail is today celebrating the one day of the year where they can ask attractive sixteen-year-old girls to pose for photos without feeling at all seedy because it is GCSE results day.

In between the usual fabricated stories about immigrants, traitorous MPs and benefit scroungers, editors at the Daily Mail will feel it entirely appropriate to put a whole bunch of photos in the newspaper and today’s Mail Online of attractive young female students holding envelopes triumphantly in the air.

Editor-in-chief of stirring up blind hate Simon Williams told us, “Here at the Daily Mail we often receive criticism that our stories focus too heavily on the negatives in society.

“And while this is entirely accurate, today will be one of those special days where we are happy to celebrate good news.

“We’ll be aiming to get loads of photos of the most attractive girls bouncing up and down and grinning, because that’s what people who buy the paper want to see, for sure.”

He explained, “There’s nothing seedy about it, and I resent that implication – because the majority of these girls are sixteen, and that’s legal, isn’t it?

“We’ll just be photographing the pretty white ones, mind. Wouldn’t want to put our readership off their bacon and eggs.”

Police have advised students to ignore any Daily Mail journalists who might be hanging around, partly due to the photo issue but also because it is worthy life advice that will set any student, regardless of their academic results, in good stead for the future.

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the t-shirt!

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