Monday 20 August 2018 by Gary Stanton

Shitfaced British cruise tourists urged not to recreate that scene from Titanic


couple on a cruise

Inebriated British holidaymakers have been urged to stay in their low-rent cabins following a woman overboard incident in the Adriatic.

The advice was issued shortly after a 46-year-old UK woman was plucked from icy waters near Dubrovnik, where she was rapidly becoming acquainted with the local shark population.

Tourist, Shiela Williams, who may or may not have been shitfaced, was observed on CCTV engaging in an on-deck Titanic-style stunt a few hours after meeting “her Leonardo” in the casino room of the Norwegian Star.

Captain and able seaman, Lovro Oreskovic, said, “Footage reveals Ms Williams on the ships’ bow with her arms outstretched being supported by a handsome looking chap who is several decades younger than her.

“At one point the unnamed male passenger is seen to mouth the words ‘I am king of the world’.

“He then attempts to raise Ms Langstaff aloft, but hasn’t reckoned on the amount of grub she has consumed since boarding at Southampton.”

Croatian sea rescue worker, Novak Bilic, said, “Ms Langstaff can thank her excellent swimming skills and the thirty or so Jaegerbombs, which enabled her to maintain a near normal body temperature.”

Wiliams said, “I was in the water for ten hours when these gorgeous hunks from the Croatian coastguard came and rescued me.

“It was just like in the film, except the water wasn’t as cold, I didn’t have a light or a whistle, and I wasn’t surrounded by the frozen corpses of my fellow passengers.”

She added, “I demand a refund.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: